“Thank you to the Academy for this incredible recognition. It doesn’t escape me for one moment that so much joy in my life is thanks to so much pain in someone else’s. And so I want to salute the spirit of Patsey for her guidance. And for Solomon, thank you for telling her story and your own.

Steve McQueen, you charge everything you fashion with a breath of your own spirit. Thank you so much for putting me in this position, it’s been the joy of my life. [Tears, applause.] I’m certain that the dead are standing about you and watching and they are grateful and so am I.

Chiwetel, thank you for your fearlessness and how deeply you went into Solomon, telling Solomon’s story. Michael Fassbender, thank you so much. You were my rock. Alfre and Sarah, it was a thrill to work with you. Joe Walker, the invisible performer in the editing room, thank you. Sean Bobbitt, Kalaadevi, Adruitha, Patty Norris, thank you, thank you, thank you — I could not be here without your work.

I want to thank my family, for your training [laughs] and the Yale School of Drama as well, for your training. My friends the Wilsons, this one’s for you. My brother junior sitting by my side, thank you so much, you’re my best friend and then my other best friend, my chosen family.

When I look down at this golden statue, may it remind me and every little child that no matter where you’re from, your dreams are valid. Thank you.”

That was the speech, Lupita Nyong’o a little known Kenyan girl gave at the 86th Academy Awards that shook the world and which shed light on who exactly is an African woman.  A woman who has been made to believe she’s ugly because of her coarse hair, her unique name and her curvaceous features which signify her body.

After Lupita read that speech, then a paradigm shift had occurred and a new generation had definitely had been born.  A generation of women who are more self-aware, more confident and who believe they can achieve.

And this speech not only opened up many eyes but it also shed light on who exactly is an African woman. What are her values and what does she stand for. And when it comes to heterosexual relationships, how does she want to be treated?

Well, being an African man who has spent most of my time in Africa, traversing it’s great savannah, sarvouring it’s culture and interacting with thousands of its women, I think I might have grim picture on who exactly an African woman and is and trust me it’s not what most men coming to Africa for the first time think it is.

Do they walk around showing off their titties? Do you think with a 100 dollars I get a 100 of them to go back with me to my hotel room? Can their heads spin 360 degrees? All these are questions I have been asked by men coming to Africa for the first time and the answer to these questions is simply NO.

First of all, African women are great achievers….they work hard, go through school and become respectable people in society harbouring great jobs and running multi-national businesses handling millions and millions of cash. I mean look at the likes of Lupita Nyong’o or Nobel Laureate Wangari Wamathai, these are women who have gotten global recognition for their astounding achievements which have made a difference. In that regard, they understand the value of money and wealth and if you have any intentions of taking them back to your hotel room, then be ready cough up a bit of money the old fashioned way. Be prepared to wine and dine them in a fine restaurant with flavoured candles, Versace laden seats and some jazz playing in the background. And if you really want to accelerate your scoring rate, show up on the date with a set of keys for a brand new Mercedes and there trust me you will be 40% in.

Secondly, African women are self-respecting highly confident human beings that understand their place in society and so treat them as such. Most men coming to Africa for the first time have this analogy that they’ll just sneeze and all the women on the streets will kneel down in adoration; FALSE!

African women just like any other women in the world value respect and adoration so if you are looking for such, then you have to play your part as a man too. However I must add that having experienced both sides of the divide, that’s Africanism and modernization…, they offer the perfect mix for any man out there. “I can take hardship. I can sleep on a cold floor anytime, but I can also sleep on a feather bed. That quote by peace activist Leymah Gbowee is the best way to describe an African woman.

The other thing men coming to Africa for the first need to understand is that African women are purely sexual beings but they have limits.

As put by Mireille Miller-Young, Ph.D., associate professor of feminist studies at UC at Santa Barbara and author of A Taste for Brown Sugar: Black Women in Pornography, a lot of African women are viewed as these oversexed, irresponsible, out-of-control women who create havoc with their sexualities. That assumption of African women’s freakiness runs deep, and it springs in large part from the antebellum era, way back when slavery was rife.

African women, no matter how “good” we may appear, are expected to always “be down” for sex and that’s the narrative most men coming to Africa for the first come fostering. So they meet a girl in a club, buy them one or two drinks in the club and they automatically assume they’re down to fuck. When this happens and they’re turned down, then they become abusive, hostile an intolerant because at the back of their minds they can’t seem to comprehend they have just been turned down. Let me break it down to you Joel, African women just like any other women in the world are self-respecting beings who fully understand what they want in a man and are free to make choices on who to sleep with or not. So need to catch hormones…just move along and try your luck next time. Some men also come to Africa believing it’s the cradle of fulfilling weird fantasies like watching your dog have sex with a woman for the first time….again, sorry to break it to you but it’s not guaranteed that will happen. Like I said earlier, show some respect and it will reciprocated.

Lastly, also don’t be fooled by all the pictures you stumble upon on the internet or TV of submissive women in African attire who seemingly look harmless. Some of these African women are bad people with no mercy or remorse. They won’t hesitate to drug you and walk away with all your money leaving you to die. Trust me others who feel any pinch f pity when they organize with their rogue boyfriends to follow you to your hotel room and rob you all your belongings.

Others will go ahead and lead you on, pretending to care for you only for your credit card to bounce at the clothing store and it’s adios motherfucker!

Basically treat them and everyone with a touch of salt.

I’m not saying there are not good, caring beautiful women in Africa; all I’m saying is that there are equally bad ones whom you need to stay away from just like any part of the world.