Interracial dating is always a hot topic. Depending on who you ask, you’ll get varying opinions. Recently, I did an article tilted, 5 Reasons Black Men Choose Non Black Women. In it I gave my take and top 5 reasons why a significant amount of brothers are choosing to date women who aren’t black. Now I’m giving my reasons why black women don’t like it.


Reason 1: Validation

For all the talk about the fragility of the masculinity, nothing is more fragile than the female ego. It perpetually seeks, and needs validation. If these things hold true for all women, there’s an extra ring of truth to it when it comes to sisters. It’s why they’re constantly fishing for compliments. It’s why, despite statements to the contrary, they spend untold sums of money on makeup, wigs, and weaves. It’s why they wear waist trainers and shapewear. It’s why they buy pushup bras. It’s why some of them are so desperate for a fat ass that they’ll risk death to get illegal ass shots. Yes, all the things are for nothing more than validation from men, black men.  Despite all their “independent”, “don’t need a man” rhetoric, the plain truth is even if they don’t need us, they certainly want us or the very least to notice them. The vast majority of sisters are only going to get to the validation that they seek from brothers.  All data points to this as they currently are least chosen when it comes to interracial dating.

Reason 2: Black Women Feel Entitled to Black Men

Dating is a free market.  In simplest terms, that means that people have the freedom to date whom they please. Better yet, people have the freedom to date whom they have the ability to get.  However, black women feel this shouldn’t apply to black men. They believe that they have the sole right to black men and at the very least, the right of first refusal.  Your grandmother is black. Your mother is black, and because of that you must date a black woman.  To them, dating nonblack women and loving the black women in your family are mutually exclusive.

Reason 3: Black Women Don’t Want to Compete with Non Black Women

This goes hand in hand with reasons 1 and 2. Let me explain. Black women want and actively seek validation from black men.( See the Gilbert Arenas and Tyrese Gibson scandals as proof positive) Some of that has to do with the fact that they are the least likely demographic to date outside of their race.  Now, undoubtedly there are some sisters that only want to date brothers. That’s fair. However, as I stated before, black women are the least chosen women for interracial dating. So, even for the sisters that are open to interracial dating, it simply isn’t an option for the majority of them. What does this mean? It means that black men have more dating options than black women. It’s a numbers game. When you factor in black and nonblack women, the dating options for brothers are limitless.  They don’t want to have to compete for brothers with nonblack women because they know this, and frankly, they don’t like it.

Reason 4: Nonblack Women Validate Flaws in Black Women

I’m of the opinion that stereotypes are rooted in some fact. Yes, they can be an oversimplification or a generalization.  Like all things, they don’t apply to everyone within a given demographic, but holds true for enough people in said demographic to get an accurate assessment. We all know the stereotypes about black women. They are more masculine than other women. They aren’t submissive like other women. They want to lead. They’re loud, angry, and aggressive. You get the idea.  Black women hate it when brothers date nonblack women because whether or not they want to admit it, doing so and not choosing them validates many of the criticisms that black men have about them. In choosing that nonblack what that brother is really saying is that he’d rather deal with his nonblack woman and all that entails (Her friends and family not accepting you, getting the side eye from black women, etc) than to deal with you. That hurts on a psychological level and leads directly reason number 5.


Reason 5: Pain of Rejection

Rejection sucks. No one wants to be told that they aren’t inadequate. No one wants to feel as if they aren’t good enough. This is particularly difficult for black women when it comes from black men. This is an amalgamation of the previous 4 rules and sort of unifies them. How so? Let’s look at it.  A brother not wanting a sister is a possible extinction level event for her. At the very least she’s hitting DEFCON 1 because, again, the female ego is fragile an even the suggestion that a brother doesn’t want her is a cause for panic. As previously stated, black women think that they own us. To not date a sister is an affront to that notion. To choose a nonblack woman is to assert that she is the sole proprietor of all brothers and challenges her position as a black queen in her mind. Whether sisters want to admit it or not, they’re in a competition with nonblack women. To be honest, they’re losing.  A good amount of brothers are exercising their option to date outside our race. Most of the brothers that are doing it aren’t Pookie or RayRay either.  They’re the brothers that these sisters really want and they aren’t being chosen by them. Black men in droves are collectively voting with their dicks and voting with their feet, which is forcing the wisest among the sisterhood to take an honest look at themselves. The indignity of being rejected by brothers that you feel like are beneath her, is mentally crippling. Scientifically speaking, is it more likely true that the nonblack women that the brothers are choosing possess qualities that black women don’t, or most brothers are all just color struck, caught up in European standards of beauty, etc.?