“The Game is in the field.”
-Erik “Mystery” Von Markovik, “The Mystery Method”

First it was the Ashley Madison scandal. Then it was the Tinder hoax. Then it was the “Dinner Whore” phenomenon. And now this.

What am I talking about? Late last month, the Federal Trade Commission put out a press release that they were bringing a lawsuit against the Match Group, Inc. – owner of Match.com, eHarmony, Tinder, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish and other online dating services and apps – for generating and using “fake love interest advertisements to trick hundreds of thousands of consumers into purchasing paid subscriptions”.

Here’s some of the sordid details:

“Match allows users to create Match.com profiles free of charge, but prohibits users from responding to messages without upgrading to a paid subscription. According to the FTC’s complaint, Match sent emails to nonsubscribers stating that someone had expressed an interest in that consumer. Specifically,
when nonsubscribers with free accounts received likes, favorites, emails, and instant messages on Match.com, they also received emailed ads from Match encouraging them to subscribe to Match.com to view the identity of the sender and the content of the communication.

match.com, He just emailed you! You caught his eye and now he’s expressed interest in you…Could he be the one? Read his email. You will be notified when other Match.com members express interest in you. Please note: This email may contain advertisements. Match.com P.O. Box 25472, Dallas TX 75225
(example of ad touting message)
The FTC alleges that millions of contacts that generated Match’s “You caught his eye” notices came from accounts the company had already flagged as likely to be fraudulent. By contrast, Match prevented existing subscribers from receiving email communications from a suspected fraudulent account.”

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There’s more:

“The FTC also alleges Match deceptively induced consumers to subscribe to Match.com by promising them a free six-month subscription if they did not “meet someone special,” without adequately disclosing that consumers must meet numerous requirements before the company would honor the
guarantee.”

And more, still(!):

“Due to Match’s allegedly deceptive advertising, billing, and cancellation practices, consumers often disputed charges through their financial institutions. The complaint alleges that Match then banned these users from accessing the services they paid for.

Finally, the FTC alleges that Match violated the Restore Online Shoppers’ Confidence Act (ROSCA) by failing to provide a simple method for a consumer to stop recurring charges from being placed on their credit card, debit card, bank account, or other financial account. Each step of the online cancellation process—from the password entry to the retention offer to the final survey pages—confused and frustrated consumers and ultimately prevented many consumers from canceling their Match.com subscriptions, the FTC contends. The complaint states that Match’s own employees described the cancellation process as “hard to find, tedious, and confusing” and noted that “members often think they’ve cancelled when they have not and end up with unwanted renewals.””

The whole thing is definitely worth a full read and I urge all those reading this column to head on over to the FTC website to do so immediately.

So, with the above details – along with all the aforementioned evidence mounting over the past few years – where does this leave us?

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Well, for starters, these latest revelations on the part of the FTC has only confirmed what I have long suspected – that online dating simply does NOT work for the vast majority of men out there today – not only that, but since we now know for certain, that Black women in particular are only viscerally checking for the upmost 20% of conspicuously handsome and sexually attractive (Black) men, that there is simply not point in even bothering with what can only be rightly called a fool’s errand, but even worse, what amounts to throwing money down a rat hole. And that’s just for starters, as the ETC suit against Match attests to.

For the Gentlemen of Obsidian, the brothers in this dojo have only one path forward towards success, not only with the ladies, but in life period; and that is this:

The Game is in the field. Not online. Not on social media. In. The. Field.

This means that you MUST have a social life – and in order to do that, you MUST be successful at something (meaning: something that you actually get PAID for doing), you MUST have the means to have a social life to begin with and most importantly for purposes of today’s discussion, you MUST have the social skills to chat up the ladies in real time. Yes, Black women in particular are “checking” for a particular type of Black man. Yes, we live in a post-
#MeToo era, where there are real and legitimate concerns about guys attempting to chat up women in public places. And yes, there are all kinds of people – (Black) women and men alike, out there on the make to get into your wallet and scam the crap out of you. All true.

And yet, it IS possible to get out there and make things happen in life. I am living proof of that! True, life can be difficult – and the dating and mating landscape in particular can be downright brutal. But all hope is not lost. Most Black women have no idea what they actually, really do want. Which is a great thing, when you think about it – because it gives you a chance to show ’em what you got.

So…do you? If you were dropped into, say, an art museum show opening, would you be able to blend right in? What about a poetry reading? A semi-formal dinner party? A jazz festival in the autumn? These and many other venues are places that are replete with Black women – most of whom are single, according to a simple review of the data. They’re out there – and they are waiting on YOU to show up.

I have never used online dating or an app and I never will. Why should I, when there are so many Black women, right outside my door? As for the notion that the Select Fuckboys have all the fun…well, let’s just say that if I had a five-spot for everytime a Black woman told me, “You’re usually not my type”, or, “I don’t usually do this” as she’s bending over my couch, I wouldn’t need to write this column to get paid, now would I?

Last weekend, I attended a concert at an upscale winery. Next week, I’ll be attending another live event centered on, what else, “Black Love”. Both events have and will be bursting at the seams with Black women, pardon the pun. I have my suits lined up, business cards at the ready and I know exactly what to say and do, whether I have a plus one on my arm or not. Whether the Match Group goes down in flames or not, whether the dinner whores are
banished to the Phantom Zone or not, will not matter one little bit to me – because I see to it that I have a social life that compliments my business and work success. And that will show. “Non-Select Guy” status, be damned.

Do you?

Now adjourn your asses…

MOA

Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host and newly minted dating coach. You can catch his daily live shows on Mixlr, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.