“Where are the good men?” This is a universal question asked by millions of women. Whether in the news media, social media, living rooms, beauty salons, or bars, women want to find the good men. Men usually answer by saying, “I’m right here.” Of course many women don’t agree with the men. When you think about it there is a whole industry devoted to the concept that women have trouble finding “good men.” There is another angle to this that is rarely discussed publicly. The angle is that many women will have a “good man” and leave the relationship.
Now understand where I’m coming from when I say women will leave a good man. I’m not talking about a woman leaving some boring nice guy or an abusive asshole both of whom consider themselves good men. I’m talking about women leaving men they consider to be Mr. Right. The women will have a great relationship and think highly of their men. The women will be happy. There will be minor problems that come up because both parties are human but nothing that can’t be worked out. Thing is though the couple can happy there are outside forces that can destroy a good relationship. Let me give y’all a scenario based on real-life conversations I’ve had with hundreds of women and scores of men.
Freddie and Linda Doright have been married for five years with a young daughter. Everything is good in their marriage for the most part. They don’t have the same excitement they had while dating but they still have a good time together. There are some things that could be improved. Freddie could be a little more romantic in Linda’s eyes. Instead of communicating this with him she talks with her girlfriends, Betty, April, and Doreen. Her girlfriends are all single and have a tendency to bash men.
So they start getting in Linda ear. They magnify everything Freddie isn’t doing right. After a few months, they collectively tell Linda, “girl you deserve better.” Now Freddie is a hard worker, handsome, nice body, and committed to being a one-woman man. The sex life is even good. Yeah they could go out more but Linda never expresses her desire to do so. Freddie thinks everything is cool.
After listening to her girlfriends, Linda starts holding back on sex and minor things become major arguments. After one major argument she tells Freddie he needs to leave. So Freddie moves out and now they are separated. Her girlfriends come over to console her. After a few weeks they come over to take her on a “girl’s night out.” So they’re at the club having a good time and that’s when HE walks up and introduces himself. Dexter. Dexter Goodbar. Six foot, drop dead handsome, muscular, a stylish dresser, with a sexy walk. Linda and her girlfriends had been checking out Dexter as he erotically danced with a woman on the dance floor. Dexter sees that he has been chosen and thus makes his move.
Dexter starts spitting that smooth game with that sexy voice. Getting Linda wet as he hits her with a verbal aphrodisiac and a piercing gaze. Next thing you know Linda is going home with Dexter. They get to his place and Linda says, “You know I usually don’t do this.” Dexter looks at Linda, grabs her hand, pulls her to him and kisses her fiercely. Next thing you know the clothes are off and Dexter is doing her. Not just doing her but doing her…WELL. Linda has several orgasms.
After a month of sex with Dexter, Linda decides to file for divorce. She’s convinced she’s found her soulmate. She files the papers and tells Dexter.
Linda: I’ve filed for divorce from my husband. We can be together now.
Dexter: Together? Who told you it was like that?
Linda: We have something special together. I want to be with you.
Dexter: You better get out of here with that shit. I just wanted some pussy. Don’t get me wrong, you suck a mean ass dick but my other women got skills too.
Linda: I thought I was the only one?
Dexter: I ain’t never tell you that. You need to get your shit and go.
Linda: Just like that?
Dexter: Yeah just like that.
Linda leaves Dexter’s place feeling depressed and humiliated. She is consoled by her girlfriends, April and Doreen. She thinks she made a mistake in filing for a divorce. She thinks she should try to reconcile with Freddie. While talking with April and Doreen, Linda asks about Betty. They say that Betty has pulled away them lately. They are not sure what’s going on with her. So where’s Betty? Hmmmm.
While Dexter had Linda’s ankles up by her head, Freddie was at his small place trying to make sense of everything. All he was doing was going to work and coming home sleeping.
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One day he is on a social media site and he gets a private message from Betty. She asks how he is doing. He said he’s making it. Betty said it’s too bad what’s happened and that Freddie is a good man. Ironically Betty was the main one telling Linda she needed to leave Freddie. They message each other a few more times and then talk on the phone. Betty calls him one day and asks if she can come over for a few minutes because his apartment is on the way to an appointment she has. Freddie without thinking says, “Yeah sure.”
A few hours later Freddie hears a knock on his door, when he answers it he sees a stunning sight. Betty is standing at his door with a short black dress on that shows off her perky breasts, hugs her round ass, and showcases her shapely legs. She has her hair done and some four inch heels. On top of that she is holding a plate of food talking about Freddie would appreciate a home cooked meal. Freddie takes the plate to the kitchen and when gets back to the living room Betty has made herself at home on the couch. Freddie sits on the couch with her. Betty crosses her legs in Freddie’s direction revealing just enough thigh to make a normally reasonable man stupid. Game over.
Actually it was game over when she was standing at the door with the plate of food.
A few weeks later Linda stops by to surprise Freddie and to talk about reconciling. Linda gets the surprise though when Betty answers the door in a silk bathrobe. In one moment Linda realizes she lost a good man.
This scenario is based on conversations I’ve had with the Freddie’s and Linda’s of the world. I’ve had a WHOLE lot of conversations with the Betty’s of the world. Scandalous women like and trust me for some reason.
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It’s probably why I have a great understanding of women. But I digress. That’s another blog.
See many women will have a good man and not even know they have a good man. Many women out here may excel at their careers and have a lot of book smarts but will lack street smarts. Many women grow up sheltered and may not have any significant contact with men until they are young adults and out in the world. They didn’t run the streets. They weren’t going to parties. Many went through high school without a boyfriend. They were usually the awkward girls, the ugly ducklings, the late bloomers, the nerdy girls. They weren’t the party girls who have been sexually active since the age of ten and who ironically enough know a good man because they have a lot of experience with the bad ones. The party girls have game.
Many women will get married or in a relationship without having a lot of contact with men. I don’t just mean sexual contact but contact period. Many women don’t even have male friends or even male cousins around to truly learn about the male species. So they really don’t have enough experience to know they got something good on their hands. An old school player told me when I was a teenager that he would rather marry a woman who has been with thirty men than one who has been with only two. His reasoning was that the woman who has been only two men would at some point get the urge to cheat because she would always wonder what she is missing out on. Whereas the woman who thirty men knows most men aren’t for her and would truly appreciate a good man.
Only a true player understand that wisdom. I learned the game from street cats and hustlers. Men who could read a person better than a psychologist because their lives depended on it. Keep in mind many Pimps end up marrying their top prostitute.
In the scenario Linda’s marriage was wrecked by her “friends.” Many women think the women they have around have their best interest at heart. Women are very competitive with each other and very bitchy. Many women will sabotage their “friend’s” relationship because they hate to see another woman happy. Jealousy is a beast. Women will say they don’t have a lot of female friends for this reason.
Another factor is that you have women who have no problem going after the husband or boyfriend of one of their friends.
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In fact, some women are so bad with this that you could introduce them to a single man who has everything going for him but they will reject him. Yet the man becomes desirable the second he’s seen with a woman. Every single woman needs to take any advice about their man from another woman with a grain of salt.
Then there’s that Dexter factor. Most women don’t get a chance to get with that physically attractive man with the dripping sex appeal. There are women who had good men who provided for them and satisfied them sexually. The women would tell me they had good men and tell me how good they were. Then all of sudden that smooth man with the big chest and soothing voice walks into the scene and it’s game over. There is a sub-population of men who have that type of sex appeal. Women meet these men and their common sense goes out the door. Some women have enough sense to limit their interaction with a Dexter to a fling. Many women however think there’s something more there and leave a good man thinking there’s a future with Dexter. Of course they get their feelings hurt when they realize they were just a warm body to satisfy Dexter’s lustful nature. A few women are lucky enough to get back with their men. Most lose out because the Bettys swoop in to get that man.
Straight up, many women need to stop complaining about a shortage of good men. Many women know they had a good man and they blew it by listening to their jealous girlfriends. They know they blew something good because they wanted to chase Mr. Goodbar.
