Damaged Goods: DO NOT USE

“That girl is poison,
Never trust a big butt and smile…”
-Bell, Biv & Devoe, “Poison”

“Hurt people hurt people.”
– Will Bowen, “Complaint Free Relationships: Transforming Your Life One Relationship at a Time”

The recent media appearances of K. Michelle & “Professor Crunk” Brittney Cooper, where both adamantly defended their vaunted positions as victims of men in one form or another, reinforce yet again just how pervasive so many truly damaged Black women exist in our time today. In the former case, K. Michelle made an outrageously sexist/misandrist comment about how men in general and as a whole, “were not good people” then doubled down on that during a followup appearance on a popular morning drive talk radio show in Atlanta, going toe to toe with Derrick Jaxn, a name familiar in these parts; while Cooper, while sitting as a panelist on an ongoing chat show series called “Black Women Owning The Conversation” on the Oprah Winfrey Network, vociferously argued that the reason why she and other obese Black women like her, could not lose weight was due to racism and of course, Donald Trump. Not only was her remarks not derided by the virtually all-Black female audience, they damn near gave her a standing ovation.

I am not joking. She really did say that and they really did damn near give her a standing ovation.

Not to be outdone, the one and only Black feminist gadfly and walking/talking trainwreck in slow-motion Feminista Jones also recently weighed in giving a blow by blow (pardon the pun) accounting of how she is a tender victim in the face of her disasterous personal relationship history. Writing in the “Zora” (Presumably after Zora Zeale Hurston, patron saint of Black feminists everywhere) subsection of the Medium website for freelance writers, Jones attempts to “bare her soul” for the supposed benefit of fellow Black women like herself, who were “victimized” at the hands of ne’er do well Black men. None of this is by now anything new to anyone reading this column; indeed, how often have we – the “Non-Select Black Guy” – been assailed and harangued by Black women like those mentioned above, about how “we” – Black men – “ain’t shit”?

Of course, what these ladies and the literally millions of other Black ladies they represent, really mean when they utter that oft-repeated phrase, is that an empirically-documented minority of Black men – the putative “Select Fuckboys” that they “get caught up with” – are the ones who “ain’t shit” – but they dare not put it so bluntly. Doing so would not only let the truly innocent among Black men off the hook for the misdeeds of a paltry few – but, even more importantly – being so candid and precise would then put the focus of personal accountability and responsibility squarely where it belongs, with Black women themselves.

These recent events – playing themselves out on the national media stage in real time – give us some powerful lessons in terms of knowing which Black women to assidiously avoid out there on the dating and mating grounds of contemporary Black America. But there’s something else: the idea, that if Black women are in some way or another “acting out”, it is the fault of Black men – because Black men are “the leaders of da communitah” and as such, are responsible for everyone in it. This is a view that has formidable sway and appeal among quite possibly millions of Black Americans today – and it also must be said that it includes both Black women AND Black men in their ranks(!). This is why there has been no groundswell against K. Michelle’s and Brittney Cooper’s outrageous statements and there will likely be none in the wake of Feminista Jones’ revelations regarding her own self-confessed addicktion (no typo) to select fuckboys – because it’s all Black men’s fault, you see.

Of course, what no one will actually say is that it is the NON-SELECT BLACK GUY’S FAULT – because, when have the Select Fuckboy Crowd, EVER been called out on the carpet? To ask the question, is to answer it.

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THE ORIGINS OF “RACE MAN”/”CLEANUP MAN” CULTURE
One major reason why the notion that Black men writ large “ain’t shit” has such powerful cultural force in Black American life, is due to the so-called “Race Man” of a bygone era. Writing in his classic work, “Streetwise: Race, Class & Change in an Urban Community”, a powerful volume that details the deep and profound change that Black communities underwent in the late 1980s and 90s due to a myriad of forces, not the least of which being the drugs trade and gentrification, Yale University professor Elijah Anderson documents the following:

“It may be that such rewards are related to what Cayton and Drake (1962) called
the “race man.” In the days of the traditional segregated black community, the race
man was one who felt an intense responsibility to “the race,” to the point of view-
ing most events, especially public ones involving white society, as having definite
implications for the well-being of blacks. To such men it was important to present
their race in a positive light, particularly to whites. The traditional old head in the
present-day black community embodies a significant amount of the race-man ide-
ology. His attempt to help young boys is also a way to help the black community. It
demonstrates to whites that black people are decent, law-abiding, and respectable.

In the old days young boys would gather around an old head on a street corner
or after Sunday school to listen to his witty conversation and moral tales on hard
work and decency. They truly felt they were learning something worthwhile from
someone they could look up to and respect. One of the primary messages of the
old head was about good manners and the value of hard work: how to dress for a
job interview and deal with a prospective employer, how to work, and how to keep
the job. Through stories, jokes, and conversation, the old head would convey his
conception of the “tricks of the trade.””

This is where the present-day notion on the part of many in Black America – among both Black women AND quite a few Black men(!) – that a particular type of Black men is socially, economically and even morally responsible for “da communitah” as a whole – and this notion shows no signs of abating anytime soon. The “race man” was seen in a very real sense as a surrogate father to the wayward boys of da communitah and it was his charge to raise them up. Of course, the select fuckboys – they were referred to as “rolling stones” back then – were never quite called to account for their “hit and run/love em and leave em” ways.

The more things change, the more they stay the same, huh?

Today, in many ways, things have gotten demonstrably worse – for example, the well-documented and public-knowledge Black out of wedlock birthrate, now nearing a mind-boggling 80%(!), to say nothing of all-time low Black marital rates and a sky-high divorce rate. Indeed, now more than ever, the “Cleanup Man” is needed by da communitah – the “race man” of the 21st century who is needed to “step up” and bear the slings and arrows wrought by their “select fuckboy” brethren while the latter was busy bedding down the ladies and leaving a trail of broken hearts, used up Black women and of course lots of babies, in their wake.

WHAT’S IN IT FOR THE NON-SELECT GUY?
While it barely requires even asking, we nevertheless press on and consider exactly what is in it for today’s put-upon “race man/cleanup man” – given the sheer recriminations, thanklessness and even out-and-out hostility such stalwart non-select bros have to endure, from Black women, their kids and even the wider communitah at large. One is hardpressed to think up anything redeeming or enticing individually for such a brother – and notions from yesterday of having “pride in the race” ring hollow now. Simply put and as noted above, for all the actions of race and cleanup men back in the day, it is clear that the select fuckboys have won – and it is hard to see how it can be anything other than a Fool’s Errand to attempt a “rescue” operation of da communitah today.

As noted in my previous column, “The Sadie Hawkins Dance For Adults”, we all know of downright antisocial and mean (to non-select guys, mind you; select fuckboys, for all the havoc they truly wreak in the lives of Black women, somehow always get a toothy-grinned, smiling pass…as the ladies bend over for them) Black women, who seem to delight in making the non-select guy’s life a Hades on Earth simply for existing – and then when you decline to put up with their abusive treatment, you’re demeaned as less of a Black man for not being able to “handle a strong Black woman”. Most of these Black women – even those who loudly claim to the contrary – are rarely in any kind of professional counseling therapy treatment for their select fuckboy withdrawls issues. Indeed, it is the unspoken stance – it could even be called a consensus – that the non-select bros are to act as a de facto therapist, emotional tampon, emotional dumping ground and emotional punching bag, all rolled into one(!).

When put together with all of the headaches, heartaches and real grief, again one is hardpressed to see what if any, upside for such a Black man? And when pressed on this matter, those who would attempt to cajole the non-select guy into such a role cannot offer a simple, straight-no chaser answer, either.

A damning indictment.

The truth is, that there is little to nothing to be gained for today’s non-select guy to be ANY Black woman’s cleanup man, let alone “da communitah’s” – not only because of the aforementioned, but also because they won’t appreciate it. The truth is, that any pride and prestige that came with a role in the past is a literal shadow of its former self – little more than a barren shell. Today, the role of the “race man/cleanup man” is to act as a living host for the parasites of da communitah – starting first and foremost with the select fuckboys, the Black women who are addickted to them (no typo) and more often than not, the kids they created together – to leech off of, draining the non-select guy’s finances, assets, human capital and even his very life. It is for this reason that perhaps one of my best known podcasts ever, “Why I Refuse To Be The Cleanup Man” has truly gone viral and remains a top-ranked podcast to this day – a powerful testament to just how richly it tapped into the zeitgeist of today.

KNOW THE SIGNS OF THE “DAMAGED GOODS BLACK WOMAN”
Readers of this column will recall a previous article by yours truly, called “All The Crazy Ladies”. That piece detailed the mental and psychological profile of the Dark Triad Woman: Machiavellianism, Narcissism & Psychopathy – and that those women who admitted to the practice of engaging in foodie calls scored very high in these behavioral traits. Well, would it surprise you to learn, dear reader, that those very same traits are in evidence in the “victims” of select fuckboys, too? Trust me, they are – and in the final section of today’s column, your correspondent is going to give you a few quick tips and clues as to who is a Damaged Goods Woman in Black America today:

1. Irrational Defensiveness: Damaged Goods Black Women are irrationally defensive – EVERYTHING is a fight with these broads. Seriously! They are so quick to take “offense” at every jot and tittle; you have to walk on eggshells around them all the time. This is because they have been so used and abused by the select fuckboys that their emotional and mental state is on a hair trigger – hence why these women are always talking about “being triggered”. In fact, if you EVER run across a Black woman who uses that word, you can be certain she’s Damaged Goods – turn and RUN, not walk – away!

2. Gaslighting: Do you know why Damaged Goods Black Women constantly talk about gaslighting? It’s because, aside from them often actually being real victims of it at the hands (and nether regions, ahem) of select fuckboys, they are more often than not quite skilled at the practice themselves – and can and will whip it out on YOU in a heartbeat. Learn exactly what gaslighting is so you can be prepared to watch for signs of it in a Black lady you might have interest in – and if you see any, RUN. RUN AWAY FAST.

3. Refusal To Take Any Personal Responsibility Or Accountability: This follows right up on the point above – Damaged Goods Black Women (DGBW) can and will attempt to gaslight YOU anytime she has to take personal responsibility for her actions – recall the “race man/cleanup man” idea above? All that “communitah” BS is just one example writ large of what I’m talking about here – and it is purpose-built to insulate DGBW from taking ANY responsibility for their actions or being held accountable in the least. Go back to the K. Michelle and Brittney Cooper media appearances and hear it for yourself in realtime. If you ever come across such a display of behavior BY ALL MEANS GET OUT OF THERE! GET TO THA CHOPPA!

4. In A Constant State Of Rage: Brittney Cooper’s book, “Eloquent Rage” – truly an oxymoron if there ever was one – comes to mind here. DGBW are ALWAYS angry and ready to “Fight!” as if a character from Mortal Kombat or something. Indeed, one way we know that there are literally MILLIONS of Damaged Goods Black Women out there today, is the cultural expectation on the part of (non-select, of course) Black men to “weather the storm” of the DGBW’s rageful antics, as a kind of “trial by fire” and test of his mettle of his being a “real Black man”. Of course, outside of Black America this would be recognized for what it is – ABUSE. If the Black lady you’re considering always seems to be pissed at something or someone, don’t even try to find out why – just do like Lupe Fiasco said and “KICK, PUSH, COAST” right on out of her life!

5. “Extra” Beauty: Finally, we arrive at perhaps the most important “tell” of the Damaged Goods Black Woman, because the one with “extra” beauty is the most difficult to spot. You see, unlike the protoypical Black feminist types, like Feminista Jones, Brittney Cooper or Stacey Abrams, DGBW who are “extra” in the beauty department present a tougher challenge to non-select Black men, for the simple reason that they ARE beautiful – and as such, brothers are more apt to give her pass for any of the behaviors displayed above. This, among other things, makes them the most lethal. I mean that in every sense of the word.

As my “All The Crazy Ladies” article bears out, Damaged Goods/Dark Triad Black Women are much more apt to use their “extra” beauty to manipulate you in a variety of ways, than any of the aforementioned garden variety homely Black feminist types of Black women. Not only that, but their kind of manipulation is much harder to spot, due to it being a lot “softer”, less “on the nose”, more oblique and a lot more passive-aggressive. Gaslighting happens a lot here, but it’s much subtler than the other ladies. What you want to lookout for is “overdoing it” in some kind of way – often these ladies will really “sex it up” in normal day to day settings, wear excessive amounts of makeup or really elaborate outfits that seem out of kilter in relation to the social situation and so on. They do this to play up their attractiveness to the males in the round and thus, attract victims. DO NOT BE ONE OF THEM. Moreover, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ENGAGE THEM – only a seasoned pro like yours truly can pull something like that off. Instead, when you spot one of these gals, just RUN. Sure, we all want a hot chick – but trust me, after a bit of practice in spotting the Damaged Goods/Dark Triad Black Woman, you will be able to tell the difference like the back of your hand – and you will be glad to get out from around her, too!

Because there are so many Damaged Goods Black Women in Black America today, there’s simply no getting around not running into them as you navigate these choppy dating and mating waters. But, if you put into what you’ve learned today into practice out there, your chances of not getting chewed up in the Black Female Fuckery grinder are pretty good!

Now adjourn your asses…

MOA

Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host and newly minted dating coach. You can catch his daily live shows on Mixlr, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.