The Negromanosphere’s a place of refuge from the daily onslaught of feminism, a holy temple for the issues we Black men prefer to discuss.
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However, every now and then, especially during these hot summer days, I like to switch lanes and throw our ladies a bone.
No, not that kind of “bone.” Just a friendly FYI.
See, quiet as kept, not all of us men go in with a mission to tear down true femininity. We’re not like some women whom appear to love to verbally emasculate (among other methods I won’t mention here) us at any given moment; thus, somehow justifying your narrative of constantly being on the defensive with the so-called big, bad opposite sex.
Now who’s your daddy
On the contrary, I’m here to drop some common knowledge that you should’ve received from your father. Yep, for the next several paragraphs, I’ll be your daddy.
Now let’s focus on what kind of woman you’ll decide to be. It’s not only about respecting and understanding yourself but likewise respecting and understanding any would be man whom you’d choose to be in your life.
“In this dirty minded world, you are either someone’s wife or someone’s whore. And if you’re not either people think there is something wrong with you….but there is nothing wrong with me.”
― John Irving, The World According to Garp
Somebody’s Wife
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 18:22
Whew! Okay, now that we’ve got the Biblical version out of the way, how about we amend it with some of my fatherly advice?
It’s too late to back out now. I’m on a roll.
According to a thorough research study by some UCLA psychologists, whom reportedly stalked—I mean followed at least 172 married couples for 11 years, they came up with this paraphrased conclusion: People should hang in there, regardless of any unpleasant changes during marriage.
Huh? Say what?
Well, Daddy Love’s here to let you girls know one thing: we men of today ain’t havin’ it!
It’s like if I purchased a brand new Mercedes Benz roadster but after I’ve popped the hood, there’s a rebuilt 4-cyclinder Ford engine laid up in that bad boy. Talk about the ultimate bait and switch.
Okay, better yet, I’ll change it up for the women. Let’s say you’ve just won a $20,000 shopping spree but soon discover that it’s exclusively at PayLess Shoes.
Uh-huh, kind of makes you want to snatch off your weave in protest.
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Now doesn’t it?
Well, the same logic applies to properly branding yourselves as a potential mate.
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That’s correct; I said brand.
Because that’s exactly what you’re doing the moment you step outside your door. You have to be cognizant of how you carry yourselves, especially if you intend on being wifed up before any cobwebs begin to set in.
And that’s being a wife, not a mistress or a side chick. Granted, I have nothing personal against the other woman because like everything else, she has her purpose.
So, if any of you beautiful, big-booty stunners have the desire of being lawfully wedded someday, please remember that a smart man will always protect himself at all times. Yes, that includes even from you, his would be bride to be, until (gasp) death do you part!
Some guys aren’t going to allow you to take half in a divorce settlement. They’ll settle out of court with a more morbid option.
Oh, but not me, of course. No worries, ladies; so, you can uncluch your fake pearl necklace now.
Somebody’s Whore
Now whether you’re an infamous, sometimes blonde buzz cut female celebrity known for promoting the annual Slut Walk, or the stereotypical mild mannered, sexually frustrated librarian with her prescription eyeglasses aimed on every other male crotch with a library card passing through her gates, I’d say it’s safe to assume that absolutely, positively no woman desires to be anyone’s whore. And since I can’t see any of you chicks shaking your heads, I’ll take a wild guess that you agree.
Then again, I’m not being completely honest here. Am I?
The cold, hard fact remains that there’s a whole lot of women who actually do enjoy being a whore. Oh, I know, some of you will use the usual euphemistic terms like escort, call girl, lady of the night, a woman of ill repute, or the more modern one: business woman.
Of course, that “business woman” comes in many forms. Can you say Instagram model?
Hey, I’m no hypocrite. There’s not one day that passes where I don’t ingest my fill of lovingly objectifying beautiful, scantily clad women of all hues and nationalities via social media.
So, go ahead and feel free to call me a male chauvinist pig. Just know that somebody provides the visual slop (translation: eye candy) for the testosterone filled pigsty, and it’s not us men but you women.
But why can’t I find a good man
“Oink, oink,” I turned my head in response to some unknown chick. “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. Were you asking for me?”
Nuh-uh, I’m afraid you’ve wasted too many of your good years chasing after a retail fire sale along with a dream sold from an array of so-called bad boys who’ve already passed on granting you their last name. Most of us good men have moved on, keeping it pushing for better opportunities, life experiences and, yes, better women.
And I know it’s not politically correct to speak for all straight men (I’ve heard even gay men prefer to settle down with low-mileage partners, too) but when it comes to dealing with women, we’re all KANG of the double standard. Meaning, we share the same philosophy of dividing you ladies into two camps of whose wife material, and who’s not.
Don’t take it personally. It’s in our collective DNA as men.
Get with the program or get left behind
So, let’s recap. We’ve learned about maintaining your brand as a decent woman. Plus, we’ve gone over the basics about being a man’s wife and being a man’s whatever else.
What have I missed? Hold on, let me think.
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot one more important thing. Stop taking lame advice about men from your lame-azz girlfriends.
Why? Because nothing but redundant silliness and wasted time and energy will come of it.
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If you want to learn how to work on cars, you enroll in a trade school. So, why on Earth would you ask one of your many BFF home girls about how to design yourselves to be eligible to be chosen by one of us?
The few. The proud. The good men.
Moreover, if there’s anything you ladies can use as a take away from this brief Daddy Love life lesson, it’s this: Keep your legs closed until you know for certain he’s the man you’ll happily submit, follow and stay loyal to for the rest of your lives, or. . . death do you part.
Copyright 2018
Marcus love is a published author. You can scoop up his most recent Broke and Ashy urban eNovella series at an Amazon Kindle near you.
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