Match.Com Gets In On The "Dating Coaching For Men" Act

NOTE: This column was scheduled to be published on Mon, Oct 28, 2019. However, due to the Negromanosphere website being down due to techinical problems, it could not be published until today, Mon, Nov 4, 2019. Our apologies for the inconvenience!

“The findings from all of these studies caused controversy and confusion among my colleagues, because in many respects they contradicted conventional thinking. They forced a radical shift from the standard view of men’s and women’s sexual psychology. One of my aims in this book is to formulate from these diverse findings a unified theory of human mating, based not on romantic notions or outdated scientific theories but on current scientific evidence. Much of what I discovered about human mating is not nice. In the ruthless pursuit of sexual goals, for example, men and women derogate their rivals, deceive members of the opposite sex, and even subvert their own mates. These discoveries are disturbing to me; I would prefer that the competitive, conflictual, and manipulative aspects of human mating did not exist. But a scientist cannot wish away unpleasant findings. Ultimately, the disturbing side of human mating must be confronted if its harsh consequences are ever to be ameliorated.”
-David M. Buss, “The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating”

“Clicking send on my e-mail to Mystery was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. If anyone—friends, family, colleagues, and especially my lone ex-girlfriend in Los Angeles—found out I was paying for live in-field lessons on picking up women, the mockery and recrimination would be instant and merciless. So I kept my intentions secret, dodging social plans by telling people that I was going to be showing an old friend around town all weekend…However, I still had my own conscience to deal with. This was, far and away, the most pathetic thing I’d ever done in my life. And unfortunately—as opposed to, say, masturbating in the shower—it wasn’t something I could do alone. Mystery and the other students would be there to bear witness to my shame, my secret, my inadequacy…A man has two primary drives in early adulthood: one toward power, success, and accomplishment; the other toward love, companionship, and sex. Half of life then was out of order. To go before them was to stand up as a man and admit that I was only half a man.”
-Neil “Style” Strauss, “The Game: Penetrating The Secret Society of Pickup Artists”

Two weeks ago your correspondent reported and gave commentary on the announcement by the Federal Trade Commission to bring a massive lawsuit against the Match Group, Inc., the parent company that owns online dating giants Match.com, eHarmony, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish and of course, Tinder, just to name a paltry few, for equally massive amounts of fraud they’ve perpretrated on its largely male customer base. Eager to see what, if any, response would be on the part of those longer in the tooth dating coaches who particularly relied on online dating services – which, let’s be honest, means for all intents and purposes, the Match Group – I kept vigil on the social media landscape for anything that came up on the radar.

Nothing.

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DON’T HATE THE PLAYER, EVAN – HATE THE GAME
Then, just in time for the kickoff to the final weekend of Oct 2019 and just before Halloween, longtime dating coach for “smart, strong, successful women” Evan Marc Katz discusses how apparently, Match.com is now moving into the dating coaching (for men!) business in a blogpost on his eponoymous website titled, “Men Ask for Dating Advice From Match. Hell Freezes Over!”. Ever the loquacious sort, Katz seems quite miffed about the idea:

“I’ve always had a glib answer as to why I’m a dating coach for women instead of men.

“Men need more help. Women ASK for more help.””

Evan continues:

“In general, this is true. I was a dating coach (one of the first) from 2003-2009 and I didn’t specify which gender I was helping. Without doing anything specific to court women, 80% of my mailing list turned out to be women. Why weren’t men flocking to me? Because men who lacked confidence back in those days turned to pick-up artists for tricks on how to talk to a woman. And, if anything, the rest of the men had an irrational sense of confidence, in spite of their middling results.”

After giving more excuses as to why he couldn’t cut it making it as a dating coach for men, Evan tries to get back on track:

“The reason I’m sharing this article is that the headline suggests that men were three times more likely to opt in for advice than women. That threw me for a loop – and begs a bunch of questions. Did those men actually step up to pay for that advice or did they just give you an email address? How long did those men continue to receive advice? Did those men implement the advice and get results from it? And while I, too, am a self-proclaimed expert, I earned my stripes over 16 years. Someone making $35K to talk on the phone without experience in the nuances of online dating? Color me skeptical.”

Jeez, is this guy full of himself, or what? But wait, there’s more:

“Most dating sites try to acquire customers and then pay no mind in helping them succeed. I spoke at about 4 online dating conferences where I encouraged them to work with folks like me to educate their millions of members about online dating profiles, photos, email technique, the male and female user experience, etc.

You know how many sites I ended up working with? None.”

I’m shocked – SHOCKED, I tell you! Don’t those ignorant rubes know what’s good for them? LOL, Hollywood writers couldn’t make this stuff up and Evan ought to know – he failed at trying to be one.

Whew! That must’ve really chapped poor little Evan’s hide, huh? And rightly so – according to a very recent piece appearing on the Vice.com website on “PUAs” called, “Men Are Still Spending Obscene Amounts of Money to Become Pick-Up Artists”, not only is the Pickup Artist business global, but it pulls in in excess of $100M USD a year. Even if one could reasonably argue that EMK’s not doing too shabby for himself, pulling in somewhere around the $200K USD mark a year, it pales in comparison to the kind of cake the topflight PUAs make – hell, even a relative newbie like Alpha Male Strategies is pulling in that kind of money a year just from his Patreon supporters alone – now nearly 3,800 strong(!). And, when you compare Evan’s books to AMS’ on Amazon? Please. Not. Even. Close.

So, before we get into what’s really eating Evan, a dating coach for OLD(ER) “smart, strong, successful women”, let’s get to the bleedingly obvious: the story he’s referencing, originally hails from the Business Insider website and was dated May 14, 2019 – NEARLY FIVE MONTHS BEFORE THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE FTC LAWSUIT AGAINST MATCH.COM. WHY didn’t Evan address this major news story – one that has cost the Match Group a pretty penny and they haven’t even been to court yet? One that JUST HAPPENED A MONTH AGO? Why would Evan reach right over this sizzling hot story back to the Hail Mary Match.com was trying to heave up before the FTC hammer came down on them? To ask the question, is to answer it: because to discuss that is to admit that the gig is up, as I’ve discussed before on this column. Men everywhere are wising up to all manner of schemes, tricks and games being ran on them not just by women, but by corporate conglomerates like Match and yea, even guys like Evan himself. It is a fact that Match is taking a financial hit in the markets; it’s only a matter of time before the proverbial rats really start to jump ship – if they haven’t already.

It would therefore make complete sense as to how and why EMK never caught on with the fellas, while the PUA business was literally swimming in the black – and it ain’t for the green-eyed envious “reasons” those of Katz’s ilk tries to make us all believe. No, the reality is that, like everywhere else in the free market, when you’ve figured out how to build a better mousetrap, people – in this case men – can and will beat a path to your door.

IT’S ALL ABOUT RESULTS, EVAN
Yea, yea, I know – there are bad actors in PUALand. The Julien Blancs of the world. Some would even include The Notorious RooshV in that number (though I’m personally inclined to disagree, given the amount of time I’ve spent actually talking TO and WITH the man, unlike his critics). I get it. The business is big enough that you’re bound to find carpetbaggers, charlatans and good old fashioned cheats in the game – but that’s not only to be expected, name me ANY endeavor where real money is on the table that also doesn’t have its malcontents? Because if you think they don’t exist on the other side for the ladies, I’ve got a beuatiful bridge in South Philly to sell you for dirt cheap.

None of this is to minimize or belittle real concerns about the Pickup business, but one gets the sneaking suspicion that its critics are really only suffering from Sour Grapes Hatin’ Syndrome that has caught hold of our man Evan; PUAs have succeeded in showing convetional societal wisdom up and turning it right on its head. The idea that men don’t ask for help? WRONG. The notion that PUA “tricks” don’t “work”? WRONG. The proposition that PUAs would “burn themselves out” like the trendy little fad that it is? WRONG. It seems no matter what you throw at it, the PUA juggernaut just shrugs it off, totally unbothered and keeps right on gettin’ up – much to the chagrin of “nice guys with balls” (ha!) like Evan and the women who claim their undying love for them stamping their feet in protest.

And the reasons for all of this are very simple and twofold: one, because PUAs actually listened to what men want; two, because PUAs actually found a way to deliver the goods on what men want.

And what men want, is also very simple: they wanna get laid. Preferrably with as little time wasted or money spent and with the hottest women possible.

End. Of.

You can debate it, argue about it, decry the “shallowness” of it all, all you want – it. Will. Not. Change. A. Damned. Thing. As “The Professor” himself, Tom Leykis has rightly observed, “Dating is for Porking” – and when even the “nicest” of guys (I’m looking at YOU, E!) are sure of their company, they will admit this hardcore truth. Does that mean that there are men out there looking for a wife? Of course (though not as many as there once was – and nowhere is this more in evidence than in modern day Black America!). Does that mean that there are men out there who aren’t interested in a girlfriend? Of course not. But whether a guy’s looking for a one night stand or a soulmate WHAT THEY ALL HAVE IN COMMON IS THEY WANNA GET LAID. There is simply NO way around this – and the REAL reason WHY “sensitive” dating coaches like Evan FAIL is because they fail to actually LISTEN to the market. That’s Econ 101, bro, not my personal opinion. Pickup artists listened. And they were even able to get “hard cases” like, oh, I don’t know, short guys, laid – with pretty women at that(!). Neil “Style” Strauss – who’s memoir about Pickup Artists and his time learning the ropes of seduction among their number is now seen as a textbook classic in its own right to such an extent that it was a New York Times bestseller, is a case in point among a great many others.

Guys like Evan didn’t. Don’t believe me? Here, see for yourself: “If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You’re Short.”.

So, is it REALLY because guys are stupid jerks who don’t know what’s good for them, as Evan asserts – or – is it because guys know when you simply cannot cut it and make a beeline for those who can and will? As I said above, to ask the question is to answer it.

Attempting to moralize guys out of wanting to get laid first and foremost is like attempting to browbeat women out of wanting successful men who will commit – neither is gonna happen anytime soon, LOL. Simply put, both sexes have their own priorities and the market has simply shifted to accomodate BOTH now. Remember, women have had a multi-decades jumpstart in this regard – ever heard of Cosmo? And we’re not going back.

So, with all that has been going on as per my FTC/Match column a few weeks ago, we can now add that the dating coaching industry for men has finally come along to level the dating and mating playing field. Match.com’s last ditch effort to get in on the dating coaching for men act, is yet more proof of this fact.

It’s about damned time.

Are we learning yet, Evan? ;)

Now adjourn your asses…

MOA

Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host and newly minted dating coach. You can catch his daily live shows on Mixlr, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.