POTUS Richard Milhous Nixon during his historic visit to the People’s Republic of China, late Feb, 1972.

“There is an old Vulcan proverb; only Nixon could go to China.”

“You have enemies? Good! That means that you stood up something, once in your life.”
-Sir Winston Churchill

The roughly past two years have been a very interesting experience for yours truly. First, in the fall of 2018, following some advice of “Saint Kevin” Samuels, a corporate and professional image consultant, as well as that of a lady YouTuber of some repute, I decided that a change of appearance was in order. I did it for a number of reasons, but the main one was business – if I don’t take it seriously, why should anyone else? Out went the Chucks, khakis and tee shirts and in came the three-piece suit, shirt, shoes and a personal style touch if I do say so myself – an ascot.

I’d been known for coming down pretty hard on the Sistahood for what I’ve coined as “Black Female Fuckery” – the kinds of behavior that I and many of you, find distasteful, disrespectful or just downright annoying – and my handiwork over the previous three years up to that point had not gone unnoticed by the ladies. Indeed, in the spring of 2017, an organized effort was mounted by a number of Black women YouTubers and others, to have me and the rest of the Black Manosphere run off YouTube(!). On their “hit list” of high level targets, I was Public Enemy Number One, with Tommy Sotomayor at number two!

So, with that being the case, one would think that my style makeover wouldn’t make much of a difference with Black women, especially the very noisy contingent of them that were hellbent on having me ran out of YouTube on a rail.
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Oddly enough however, that didn’t happen; whereas before Black women were known to rail against me and call me everything but a child of God; now, there was muted silence. Really strange, right?

But wait, there’s more!

It’s been a year since I’ve publicly come out and tossed my hat into the dating coaching ring. My particular niche is that I’m the “Dating Coach for the Non-Select Guy” and I honestly thought that no one would barely notice.

Boy oh boy, was I wrong!

Within a matter of days, word spread like wildfire; content creators and listeners alike, all over the Black Manosphere, were abuzz with my new sideline. Some were bemused by the idea; others saw it as a massive “flip-flop”; and still others saw it as little more than a craven bid for more money.

What none of my newfound critics were willing to take into account, was that I had changed, had evolved – and that that was a good thing.

Unfortunately, that strong sentiment remains to this very day – and, in an ironic counterintuitive twist, the loudest voices shrieking in opposition to my evolution, are other Black men. NOT Black women.

A fundamental premise of my dating coaching practice, was that it would be patterned on me – I would be the example others in my charge can and should emulate. And since this is still very much a “trial by fire”, I thought to make my personal experience the topic of today’s column that of what you can expect when YOU, my brother, start to change.

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Isn’t it interesting that, aside from the fact that “change is the only constant in our world”, just about everyone else can and does and is allowed to change – everyone, EXCEPT Black men(!). We’ll get to the reason why this is; but first, let’s consider the following evidence.

Black women can and will change whenever they need to – from everything to their appearance with makeup, wigs and weaves, press on nails, to “Dr. Miami” body surgical procedures, to changing their mindsets – going from one position one year, to a completely different one only a few years later, if that long(!). All over the internet and “Black” social media in particular, Black female social media personalities can be seen exhibiting full-on 180 degree changes of mind. Nobody – not Black women, not Black men – has a problem with that.

Our nation’s 37th POTUS, Richard Milhous Nixon, was a staunch anti-Communist during his rise to power after his successful prosecution of Soviet spy Alger Hiss in the late 1940s. Nixon kept that stance throughout the 1950s during his tenure as US Vice-President to POTUS Dwight D. “Ike” Eisenhower, former Supreme Allied Commander in World War 2. Nixon’s famed “Kitchen Debate” with Soviet leader Nikita Kruschev in the summer of 1959, highlights Nixon’s historic anti-Communist stance.

Yet, during the 1960s, in which he ran against Democrat opponent John Fitzgerald Kennedy to whom he narrowly lost, and after his triumphant victory for the White House over George McGovern in 1968, Nixon started to consider the possibility of a thawing of tensions between the People’s Republic of China and the United States. This “flip-flop” eventually culminated in the Nixon’s historic trip to China in late Feb, 1972. It was a good move; seven years later, the USA established full diplomatic relations with the Chinese state.

Despite his downfall due to the Watergate affair, Nixon’s legacy includes the fact that he did what many thought couldn’t be done – hence the old political saying that is the title of today’s column, “Only Nixon could go to China”. Nixon will go down in history as one of America’s greatest statesmen.

But when it comes to a Black man, they must remain stuck and mired in the actions and sayings of the past, no matter what; and if they express a change of heart, no matter how sincere, bitter and cynical Black men can and will pillory him for being a “hypocrite”, for “flip-flopping” all over the place, for being “inconsistent” and so on. Simply put, a Black man cannot grow, cannot change, cannot evolve – and since I’ve cited one historic example of tremendous change, evolution and growth in Richard Nixon, now I will offer an example that exemplifies the point being made in this section…

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Malcolm Little, also known as Malcolm X and later in his life prior to his death as Al-Hajj Malik Al-Shabazz, led a truly colorful life. Born the son of an ardent follower of Marcus Garvey who himself would be murdered by the Klan, Malcolm’s early life was marred by familial upheaval in the face of his mother’s mental breakdown. This led to the breakup of the children and eventually, Malcolm winding up in Boston, where he would begin a life of crime.

From there, he would continue his criminal career in NYC, going under the moniker “Detroit Red” due to his reddish hair; eventually he was imprisoned for his crimes, which included among other things, robbery, pimping, numbers running and the sale and distribution of narcotics. It was during his time in prison that Malcolm would undergo the most profound transformation of his life – when he discovered the Nation of Islam, under the leadership of the Hon. Elijah Muhammad.

After his release from prison in the 1950s, Malcolm headed to Chicago, the stronghold of the NOI and quickly rose through the ranks to attain the position of minister; he was assigned the Muhammad’s Mosque No. 7 in Harlem, New York City. From here, he would rise to national prominence as the spokesman for the NOI and remained in his post at the mosque until 1964, when he underwent another major transformation, going from the doctrinal teachings of the NOI to more orthodox Sunni Islam.

The final years of Malcolm’s life were that of tremendous change and evolution. Among other things, he was ousted from the NOI over his remarks about the assassination of POTUS John F. Kennedy, his tumultuous relationship with other leading ministers and even Elijah Muhammad himself over the latter’s own relationship with several young female members of the NOI, and Malcolm’s conversion to Sunni Islam. The high point of all of this came when Malcolm made the hajj, or pilgrimage, to Mecca, in 1964.

At the same time, Malcolm was made into a dire enemy of the NOI, accused of being a hypocrite, traitor and a “Benedict Arnold”. The firebombing of his home, where his wife and children lay asleep, really drove home just how much Malcolm’s once-comrades had now marked him and his family for death. They would finally succeed in this grisly task in Feb of 1965 at the Audobon Ballroom in Harlem, NYC. His assassins were Black men.

Richard Nixon, a White man, was treated as a heroic statesman and a man of peace for shifting his position on Communism and made peace with China; for this, he was lauded by White men, including those on the political Left. But Black men treated Malcolm X like the Devil incarnate, simply for doing what everyone else does: Evolving and changing over time.

Why such a major difference, you may ask? It is the opinion of this writer, that many Black men are severely limited – and worse, are deeply threatened by other Black men who have surpassed their own understanding, worldview and knowledge base. And instead of Black men looking within and being introspective about how and why they have failed in their own lives and doing the work to make the changes needed for the better, it is much easier to attack those Black men who did – as we saw in the case of Malcolm X himself.

Fear, is what lies at the heart of so many Black men’s obsession in keeping other Black men who are likely to ascend, “down on the farm”.
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And fear, as Yoda once famously said, is the path that leads to the dark side.

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If you’re reading this, chances are that what you’ve done previously in your social and dating/mating life has not worked, or has not worked out as much as you’d like – and you’re looking to DO something about it. That, is the major goal of ANY dating coach – to help his clients with their desire to change their current circumstances for the better, with actionable, practical steps to take to get er done.

When it comes to Black men in particular, many are deathly afraid of change, for the reasons we’ve been laying out throughout today’s column – so when someone like you comes along, starting to change and evolve for the better, that’s going to present a serious problem to THEM, because your change, evolution and growth as a person, means that they are left stagnant and stuck. Notice how much other Black men want to find fault with or attack with another Black man who is about moving on and getting something done, first and foremost with themselves. Notice too, how often such Black men will be quick to remind such an intrepid Black man about his past, his statements or actions. And notice most of all, that such Black men are themselves, LIVING IN THE PAST – they never talk about what they are doing NOW, nor are they talking of what their future plans will bring. These are Black men who are in a very real sense limited – and you would do well to put as much distance from them as you can, because if you let them around you, they can and will do everything in their power to bring you down. They have to; letting you ascend, change and grow, is too much of a bright searing light onto just how under-developed they still are.

My biggest critics about my change of wardrobe, are themselves bereft of even one suit, to say nothing of a tux. The same critics who want to derail anything I try to do are the same ones that have been saying the same things for years and haven’t moved forward at all. And the same critics who want to scoff at my own literary efforts and more recent ones about my plans of being a dating coach, yet these same critics haven’t themselves written a book despite supposedly setting out to do so many years ago, or haven’t put out a new book in years.

Hence, what is really eating my interlocutors is this: If I am successful in making the case, that being “non-select” is NOT a death sentence – and just might change the way of things along dating and mating lines in Black American life. They see this. They see the handwriting on the wall. And they are fighting like Hell to stop it.

As you change and grow into the best version of yourself, you can be sure that you too WILL encounter a similar ordeal that you see me endure; and it will be very important that once you identify such people, that you get away from them. Doing so will be vital to your success – not just in dating and mating, but in life overall, too.

You’ve been warned.

Now adjourn your asses…


Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host, newly minted dating coach and soon to be author. You can catch his daily live shows on the global livestreaming radio website Mixlr, as well as the all-new members-only Obsidian Radio Zoomcast, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.
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