Sometimes, I can be very pedantic (i.e., very particular on how words and terms are defined) when I want to be. If there is one such word related to dating and relationships, it is the term “player.”

I used to be a regular poster on a very popular internet message board sponsored by between December 2002 and July 2005. It was on this message board where I began selling the first eBook version and third edition overall of my popular book, Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking.

Initially, when I visited the message board, I used to be what is known as a “lurker” (i.e., someone who regularly or semi-regularly visits an internet message board and discussion forum, but never ever posts any comments or reply-comments). I first became a lurker of the website beginning with January 2002 and my lurking continued until roughly the second week of December.

It was in December of that year when I saw a group of women discussing their frustrations with “lying womanizers” who had misled them and manipulated their emotions in order to get them in bed. To this day, many men will use the totally unethical tactic of giving a woman the misleading impression that they are interested in a long-term, emotionally profound, strictly monogamous ‘boyfriend-girlfriend’ type relationship … when in reality, these men just want to engage in a few episodes of short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with these women.

The most appropriate term for a man of this nature would be a “dog,” a “pig,” or a “womanizing jerk.” These were the terms that the vast majority of women involved in the discussion thread used. On the other hand, there were at least a handful of female participants in this particular discussion thread that referred to the men with questionable integrity as “players.” The use of that term left me highly agitated.


Plain and simple, not all womanizers are cut from the same cloth in terms of their ethics.

Related article: Yes, There are Ethics to Getting Laid

Many men, like myself, let women in an upfront, specific, and straightforwardly honest manner that that we place more emphasis on engaging in promiscuous sex (i.e., indulging in frequent episodes of short-term non-monogamous sex) and/or polyamorous sex (i.e., when one maintains at least two long-term non-monogamous lovers concurrently). This type of direct verbal communication style is what I refer to in my books as Mode One behavior.

A man who consistently verbally communicates his desire to maintain two or more lovers at the same time is what many men refer to as a player or true player. Once again though, many women (and even a few men) tend to refer to even dishonest womanizers as “players” as well. No, no, no, no, no.

Being an honest womanizer is so much more rewarding and stress-free than being a dishonest womanizer. I would argue that once a man commits himself to becoming an honest womanizer, or true player, he will never want to return to being a dishonest, misleading, and emotionally manipulative sort of womanizer or ladies’ man.

A few benefits:

1) No need to own two or more mobile phones

Comment: I know many men who are dishonest womanizers who will own at least two mobile phones, and sometimes as many as four or five. Why invite such stress in your life (in addition to expensive mobile phone bills)?

2) No need to cover one lie with another more creative lie

Comment: One of the biggest drawbacks to voluntarily becoming a pathological liar is that you have to coming up with new and more creative lies to cover up the lies you have already created. Peace of mind is invaluable for any man.

3) You prevent ‘awkward’ situations when two of your lovers unexpectedly cross paths with each other in your presence

Comment: Examine the situation involving Washington, D.C. Bachelor Justin Schweiger. Schweiger attempted to schedule a first or second date with six different women on the same evening in the exact same restaurant. And yes … you guessed it: His not-so-smart plan backfired in the end.

4) You can potentially arrange a ménage à trois (i.e., sexual threesome) with two of your non-monogamous lovers for an evening of mind-blowing sex

Comment: When a man chooses to be a true player, he immediately opens the door of opportunity for many episodes of enjoyable group sex. Just about every man who is not into strict monogamy desires to engage in sexual activities with two (or more) women at the same time.  This scenario is pretty much a ‘default’ sexual fantasy of all heterosexual men with an active sex drive and a healthy libido.

5) As a man, when a woman knows that you have multiple ‘options’ for female sexual companionship, it automatically gives you the “egotistical edge” in your relationships with women

Comment: Of the five major benefits of being an honest womanizer versus a dishonest womanizer, this is arguably the greatest benefit. Women become much more curious about a man and become incredibly intrigued by a man when they can sense that he is not lonely for companionship or ‘sexually desperate’ or ‘needy.’ Always remember: Women become very attracted to a man when they are under the impression that the man already has ‘other options’ for romantic and strictly sexual companionship with a wide variety of attractive women who are a part of his ‘harem.’


All things considered, being a dishonest womanizer with women never really pays off for a man in the long-run. This type of behavior invites nothing but drama into a man’s life, not to mention the high possibility that a woman will take a knife to the tires of a man’s favorite automobile.

So, if strict monogamy is not your thing, always choose to verbally communicate your sexual desires, interests, and intentions to women in a Mode One manner. Trust me … you will not regret it.

More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions.  Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships.  If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks.  Currie will be a featured speaker at the 10th Anniversary Edition of The 21 Convention in Orlando, Florida (USA).  For more information, visit