“I run shit here, you just live here!
King Kong ain’t got shit on me!”
-Denzel Washington/Alonzo Harris, “Training Day”

Although I didn’t plan to do so, it turns out that what has become an impromptu series on the Non-Select Guy has proven to be quite popular – and has created quite a stir on social media where I make my daily bread, so to speak! And the reasons why are straightforward: Until now in Black American dating expert circles, no one has actively represented FOR the Non-Select Guy – to let them tell it, ALL of the supposed experts are, to varying degrees, “Select Guys”, again, to borrow Rom Wills’ turn of phrase – and as such, they simply CANNOT relate to the themes, issues and concerns, of Non-Select Guys. At best, they are able to observe from the margins; at worst, they are little more than craven opportunists, looking to make a quick buck off of things they know little of and to be brutally frank, care even less about.

But, given that I know quite a bit about life from the supposed “Non-Select Guy” point of view, I can speak with the utmost authority on the matter – and – can give real time, actionable intel as to how other supposedly Non-Select Guys out here can win in the dating and mating game – one of the most important of life itself. In today’s column, I continue to build on the themes introduced over the course of the past few articles – this time, expanding on my argument that contrary to the claims of “Select Guy dating experts” – who, as we have already established, have at best a limited view and concern for the travails of the “Non-Select Guys” – that the latter in fact have a tremendous amount of power when it comes to the dating and mating arena. While last week’s column could be taken to discuss the power of the Non-Select Guy in a more broad and generalized way, in this week’s article I am going to get quite a bit more specific, as I layout FOUR ways of power for the non-select guy:

1. Power over one’s Feet
2. Power over one’s wallet
3. Power over one’s home
4. And power over one’s Dick

So, with the stage now set, let’s begin!

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The old adage, “voting with your feet” should be familiar to those reading these words and that is exactly what I am talking about in this section – only applied to the realm of dating and mating. A MAJOR failing and weakness of Non-Select Guys, is their tendency NOT to leave when a woman is either not feeling them, or being outright disrespectful of/to them. In fact, it is this tendency and weakness on the part of too many non-select guys that gives the so-called Select Guys (and the general public at large), especially those who consider themselves dating coaches of varying stripe, to make the assumption that ALL Non-Select Guys are more or less fated to “staying in their lane”, “taking what they can get”, “getting the Select Guy’s leftovers” and so on. Nothing says you endorse something or someone MORE, than you’re actually being where that certain someone or something is(!). So long as YOU put up with a woman’s disrespect, disregard and/or cruelty – and let’s keep it totally 100, is there a group of women on the planet that can be MORESO in this regard than Black women? – they have absolutely no reason to change. Not that this is or should be your concern – you may be a Non-Select Guy – but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy of the most basic levels of human decency. But no one – NO ONE – will take you seriously IF YOU DON’T TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY. Never let ANY woman dis you, bro. You don’t deserve that, especially if you’re one of us, the Obsidians, who are known to be cordial and friendly. If a woman shows open or even slight signs of contempt toward you, LEAVE. LEAVE RIGHT NOW. Doesn’t matter where it happens, either – if it’s out on a date and she looks at her smartphone, LEAVE. If she gets snippy and snarky with you, LEAVE. If she does this while you’re driving, PULL OVER AND KICK HER OUT. Doesn’t matter if it’s on the freeway. Doesn’t matter if it’s out on the Main Line. Doesn’t matter if you’re passing through the Park Ape Precincts of Black America. A Black woman getting rip with you in YOUR car? Pulease. MANY Black women EXPECT Non-Select Guys to be their “Plan B” and as such, will take any and everything from them merely to be in their presence – if you happen to come across such a woman, DUMP HER IMMEDIATELY. Vote with your feet – and watch that same Black woman do a 180 faster than Linda Blair’s head in “The Exorcist”.

I’ve touched on this one in a previous column, but not enough can be said about it – never, ever, underestimate the power of your wallet – especially in a day and time where Dark Triad Black women can be openly heard talking about their desire to, and I quote, “get the bag”. Remember, as a Non-Select Guy, a major advantage you will have over most Select Guys is your bank account, your FICO score and your ability to generate fresh amounts of cash – and in America brother, THAT is POWER for your ass. Now more than ever, the men who control the purse strings are the true shot-callers of the universe – and we also now know that MOST “Select Guys” don’t have much in the way of purse strings to speak of in the first place, now do they? YOU, get to determine how things go if YOU are paying for whatever – never forget that. IF you’re paying for a date, you get to determine what’s eaten and drunk. If you’re paying for movie tickets, you get to determine what’s going to be seen. You get the idea. If a Black woman you’ve asked out doesn’t like your plans – and worse, tries to alter the deal – DUMP THAT BITCH WITH THE QUICKNESS. Far too many Non-Select Bros allow far too many Black women to rule their wallets – remember, if she knows so much about thus and so, WHY DOESN’T SHE HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY FOR IT? Look: you were clearly skilled enough, talented enough and worked hard enough to make “the bag”, right? Why shouldn’t you have the same ability to determine how best to spend it – especially with regard to her? It’s your money, chief. You have every right to determine how, when, where and under what circumstances it is spent…or not.

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A fundament of the Western world is what has become known as “the castle doctrine” – the idea that a man’s home is his castle. Within his domicile, he is the sovereign – and his word is law(!). Control over and power within your own home – wherever you hang your hat – is a major factor that is rarely if ever acknowledged among dating and mating experts. And for good reason – because most “Select Guys” rarely have much in the way of a home to speak of. Who do you think Black women are talking about when they bring up the topic of “hobosexuals”? It is not at all uncommon for so-called Select Guys to be couch surfing, in some cases in Black America, well into their 30s(!) – and as the 2019 Cuffing Season approaches, trust me, you WILL see A LOT more of the same soon. But, since we Non-Select bros have always had our landing pads intact, what we need to be clear on – following up on the second point above – that as we are the one paying the bills where we stay, we also have 100% say-so as to how things will go in our home. That means that any Black woman that is there – be that for a night or a lifetime – has to understand that the usual antics they indulge in WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. Any infractions or violations in this regard can and will result in immediate DUMPING OF THAT BITCH – and you should be keen to point that out right from the outset. Remember: good fences, make good neighbors – and men have every right to boundaries, too.

That’s right – power of your dick. That may sound strange or odd in that this article is aimed at the Non-Select Bros, where the conventional hood wisdom holds that the Select Guys have dicks made of vibranium, but the truth of the matter is that far too many Black men, of both varities, sex up far too many Unworthy Black Women. Which, in turn, fuels many a Black woman’s delusional notions of who she really is out here on these streets. While we as men don’t think so, in the minds of Black women, every time you have sex with her, is a vote of your endorsing her AS SHE IS – hence all of the songs, social media postings and even articles in major Black publications, demanding that Black men “take me as I am”. You may not have control over which Black woman is sexually attracted to you, but you DO have 100% control over your dick – AND YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO BANG EVERY BLACK WOMAN WITH A PULSE. In fact, quite a few Black women will react with dismay, shock and disbelief at the prospect that a self-respecting Non-Select Guy declines her offer of sexual companionship, for whatever reason. Remember: MANY Black women DO see you, Mr. Non-Select Guy, as their “Plan B” – instead of merely “playing your role”, take a page out of the Joker’s book in “The Dark Knight” and introduce a little anarchy to the established Hood Order – and watch everything become chaos!

There’s a lot more that I could say here, but this IS a dating column, so I have to end it here. At any rate, you get my point: there are in fact four distinct, specific areas of power and control that every man, but especially the so-called Non-Select Guy, has at his fingertips.

All he has to do, is know it…and use it!

Now adjourn your asses…


Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host and newly minted dating coach. You can catch his daily live shows on Mixlr, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.