King of the Select F-boys!

“Papa was a rolling stone…wherever he lay his hat was his home…”
-The Temptations

The recent news of rapper Future’s judgment by a court of over $50K USD a month in child support to his ninth(!) baby mama, one Ms. Eliza Reign, puts a capstone (for now?) on what can only be described as a very disturbing trend in contemporary Black American life – the not only increasing prevelance of out of wedlock children born to parents with a “devil may care” attitude – but worse, the seemingly growing number of highly profligate Black men who sire them (“The future rapper was ordered to pay the ninth baby mom $ 53,000 a month”, UpNewsInfo.com, May 23, 2020). While Future’s amorous acitivites have been extant for quite sometime (with numerous baby mamas and little ones in his wake), he perhaps became best known for his creation of Future, Jr. in collaboration with singer, model and actress Ciara, roughly six years ago. Their acrimonious breakup, and Ciara’s subsequent marriage to straight-arrow NFL Superbowl-winning quarterback Russell Wilson, continues to be the subject of fierce debate in Black social media circles, often bitterly split along gender lines. Black women largely believe that Ciara represents today’s Black American woman, who can pivot from a bad mating and reproductive decision (or perhaps more to the point, that such decisions should not bar them from getting with a “good guy”); while Black men in the main, see Ciara’s move as blasphemous and Wilson as little more than an unwitting dupe.

Of course, Future’s outsized success, fame and fortune at an estimated $40M USD, puts him in a rarified category of Select Fuckboys, whose actions, no matter how deplorable, have become the stuff of sordid legend. Most such men in modern day Black America, won’t share his socioeconomic status. Not by a longshot. Nevertheless, all of the other familiar “tells” are there: good looks, a kind of “rebel without a cause” antisocial swagger, and a callous disregard for the very Black women who’ve been in his company.

But for readers familiar with my work, Future’s antics and his Black baby mama co-conspirators – Ciara’s turning over of a new leaf notwithstanding – only reveals and confirms yet again everything I and my associates in the Black Manosphere have been saying for years now: That, for whatever reason, a not insignificant percentage of today’s Black women are choosing not only to bed down with Select Fuckboys like Future, but they are also choosing to have children by them, too(!) – only to be shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, when said SFOTs (Select Fuckboys Over There) turn out to be what they always were.

What the Eff gives?

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THE 80/20 RULE – ONE MO GIN
Much has been said about the Black Manospherian observation that in modern-day Black American society, a plurality of Black women seem drawn to a much smaller cohort of Black men that they then become sexually/romantically involved with and of course, more often than not, reproduce with as well and often with disasterous results. This, in turn, leads to among other things, said Black women paying considerable sums of money to other Black men in the “Black Love business”, who themselves are “reformed” Select Fuckboys, to give them advice and counsel on how to either “fix” said Black men, get away from them altogether, or the latest wrinkle to come down the pike, how to administer “self-love”. It’s one vicious, hugely dysfunctional cycle – a ravenous Ourobouros of massive proportions – about which too much cannot be said.

Over the past decade in particular, the still-new social media medium has been utterly devastating in its chronicling of this phenomenon in action (“72%: A Baby Mama Crisis”, YouTube, Jan 29, 2015; “Blacks struggle with 72 percent unwed mothers rate”, NBCNews.com, Nov 7, 2010; ‘We are black men. That means we make babies’, The Guardian, Apr 12, 2000, just for starters!). There’s the cases of Desmond Hatchett, of Knoxville, TN, who at last count, had sired a whopping 33 kids across 11 baby mamas (“33 Year Old Man with 33 Kids Begs Court for Money”, 93.1FM WZAK website, May 21, 2012); there’s Jay Williams, who’s created 34 kids with 14 baby mamas (“Man who has fathered 34 CHILDREN with 17 different women set to star in his own reality series on Oprah Winfrey’s OWN network”, DailyMail.com, Mar 25, 2015); and of course, there’s the almost as infamous as Future’s baby mama situation, the late and fellow Atlanta-based rapper Shawty Lo, whose planned reality tv show “All My Baby Mamas” generated an interestingly ironic backlash from Black female viewers.

To be sure, we can anticipate the cynical, kneejerk reaction from detractors right now – and, to be fair, they’d have a point. A quick spin around Google will quickly disabuse us of the idea that profligate babymaking isn’t the sole province of a small segment of Black men; Ed Houben and Ari “The Sperminator” Nagel are clear and present cases in point; they’ve fathered 106 and 52 kids respectively (“Ed Houben: The Sperm Donor Who Has Helped Dozens Of Women Conceive ‘Naturally’”, AllThatsInteresting.com, Dec 28, 2019; “Ari Nagel spawns 52 kids — and new ‘Sperminator’ web series”, New York Post website, Dec 5, 2019).

Nevertheless, neither of the aforementioned men, the kids they’ve created nor the women they’ve sired them with, come with all of the over-the-top drama, baggage and real costs in innumerable ways, that has become so stereotypical of ghetto Black American life, that as noted above, when the prospect of such a reality would be the subject of a reality tv show series, Black women banded together to make sure it never saw the light of day (It’s also very interesting to note that Jay Williams also had a show about his virility and its products slated to air on the Oprah Winfrey Network; it too was scuttled). What comes off as curious “human interest story” oddities for Whites at home or abroad, turn out to be a much more tragic and common affair in Black American life.

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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – BLACK AMERICAN STYLE
As a podcaster, talk radio host and social media personality, I’ve had the chance to be both a fly on the wall during these most recent Future discussions, as well as a participant, and I have to say that the moral ambiguity that I’ve witnessed on the part of both Black men and women, was at turns oddly curious and downright repugnant. For the ladies’ part, they were both perturbed by Future’s behavior, but still drawn to him at the same time; while for the fellas, they were reluctant to take a hard line stance such that I would; many Black men I either heard, talked to, or both, seemed all to willing to give Future a pass for his perfidy, on the grounds that it either shouldn’t matter what he does in his personal life, or that even if he does have a battalion of baby mamas, he has the financial means to support them – even if that support as to be wrought from him at the point of a gun by the State.

Such reasoning and displays on the part of modern day Black folk shouldn’t really come as any surprise; as we go deeper into the 21st century, it has already been observed that many Blacks will displace the blame for Black failure and achievement squarely on “external” and/or “social” factors, such as a “legacy of slavery”, “racism/White supremacy”, some notion that politics in general, a particular political party or even a singular politician, is at fault for group or individual Black failure; that “poverty” is among the “root causes” for crime, antisocial behavior; and on it goes. Both Black men and Black women alike can be heard offering up all manner of poppycock to explain away either their own and/or other Black folks’ foolishness.

And in the area of mating – one of the most important in all our lives – this is nothing different.

Indeed, within the Black Manosphere over the past five years alone, we’ve seen all manner of attempts toward shifting the blame, making excuses for and actually accusing Non-Select Black men who had absolutely nothing to do with the out of wedlock birth rate, on the part of its detractors – Black women in the main and the not insignificant number of Select Fuckboys in tow – but I am very happy to report that what was once a raging chorus, has dwindled down to hoarse, ragged bark in the face of a relentless torrent of social-media backed evidence, academic research and government statistics.

With a rising chorus of “Non-Select Guys” lifting their voices in social media, many Black women and a not insignificant number of their Select Fuckboy paramours are attempting to wage what can only be called a rearguard action in response – trying tired, worn out bromides and defenses of their behavior and actions, that have had a truly deleterious impact on us all. Future is only the final stop in a long line of wayward Black men who have made a mess of themselves, Black women and Black America at large – and it’s way past due that someone, especially the Non-Select Guys, stood up and called it out, full stop.

Simply put, that dog just won’t hunt anymore.

SHAMELESS PLUG AD BREAK: Like what you’re reading now? Wait till you see my very first book, “The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Century Black American Gentleman”! Here’s YOUR chance to help me bring the dream to life, by supporting “The Book of Obsidian Fundraising Campaign”! All the details are over at GoGetFunding.com. Now, back to the article!

WHY THE FUTURES OF THE WORLD MATTER
Since this IS a dating coach column and one that is intentionally for the Non-Select Guys of Black America, I suppose I should say at least a few words about how and why all of this would matter to us; and the answer is simple.

Because the Futures of Black America, big and small, are literally ruining many of the Black women who would be potential mates for many of us. By the time these Black women finally get a clue and they’re “ready” for us, the damage has been done. They may indeed have learned their lessons and see things in a new light; but they’re also bringing along significant baggage: kids; mental, emtional, psychological, sexual and even physical abuse at the hands of their Select Fuckboy lovers and baby daddies; formidable sums of debt, often as a result of trying to “save” Select Fuckboys (“Why Black Women Can’t Afford The High Price Of Select Fuckboys”, Negromanosphere.com, Sep 23, 2019); and so on. No one wants to say it outloud, so I will: who wants another man’s – especially one of the likes of a Future’s – leftovers? It may be harsh to say, but no man wants a woman who’s used up – and make no mistake about it, LOTS of Black women today, ARE in fact, USED UP – and we have Black men like Future to thank for that.

I’ve written many times in this column that it is one thing to be seen as “Non-Select”, but another to have to take less in life. They are two completely different things, and I tell the brothers in my dojo, that it is infinitely better to go it alone, than to settle for a Select Fuckboy’s messes.

This will of course, setoff a shockwave throughout contemporary Black America, as my message – and that of my compatriots – continues to gain traction, adding to an already all-time low “Black Love Quotient”. But, so be it. I refuse to stand idly by and let business as usual go on in this way in Black America; we may not be able to change who Black women choose or what they do with them; but we CAN do something about how we react to it.

And until enough Non-Select Guys – those of us who have our acts together and have something to offer this world, simply walk away from this hot mess called the Black American dating and mating scene, nothing real, meaningful or lasting, will change.

You don’t have to put up with Select Fuckboy’s crap, fellas. Love yourself enough to step back and say, “No, thank you” to their ladies they’ve ruined.

Now adjourn your asses…

MOA

Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host, newly minted dating coach and soon to be author. You can catch his daily live shows on the global livestreaming radio website Mixlr, as well as the all-new members-only Obsidian Radio Zoomcast, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.