In business as in life, you don’t get what you deserve; you get what you can negotiate.

Chester L. Karrass

In the state of South Carolina where I’m originally from, we have a saying. That saying goes like this. “Life is not fair. Fair is where they judge pigs.”

Black people know that life isn’t fair. It could be argued that perhaps we know this to be true just as much, if not in fact more than most other people. The only group of people, whom I can readily say have it worse than us, is Native Americans.  Even that is debatable and is a matter of conjecture and to some degree depends on one’s perception of better.

Native Americans have lost much of their lands, but at least to some degree have gained some autonomy by having reservations, which are their own sovereign territories. Essentially, they are a country within a county, similar to how the Vatican City is a sovereign country within the city of Rome. There they are allowed to have their culture apart from mainstream white America, something that blacks had prior to integration, at least to a degree.

In any event, the point remains that life isn’t fair. Black people know this well. Black men know this especially well. Our voices are often silenced. Our concerns often go unaddressed. We are by far the least valued members of society.

However, as I’ve pointed out in previous articles, we have a right to our preferences, and those preferences matter on a larger scale.  In my opinion, a lot of brothers are unhappy because they lack the ability to actualize their preferences, especially when it comes to women.

Improve Your Physical Appearance

Diversity is the order of the day. Women have appealed to all men to find a wider array of women attractive and suitable for dating and ultimately marriage. They’re trying to challenge the wide held notion that only women who look a certain way, usually slim or petite, should be considered desirable. In the black community, brothers are asked to find overweight sisters attractive. We’re asked to choose sisters who wear weave. We’re asked to love sisters who are natural. We’re asked to extend our mating choices sisters who have a child or children. We’re asked to love light-skinned as well as dark-skinned sisters

We as men in general, but black men specifically as asked to love, accept and choose women from a  wide array that is inclusive of all body types, skin tones, and backgrounds.  However that policy of inclusion doesn’t extend to men. By and large, what is considered attractive in men has remained the same.

Brothers who are tall with a muscular physique are the gold standard.  They are the most sought after and chosen brothers in the dating market. Women rarely deviate from this archetype. All things being equal, this is the type of men that women will choose.

Remember, women almost exclusively exercise the 80/20 rule. For those that are unfamiliar with the 80/20, it states that in any given area, when women are free to choose, 80 percent of women are only interested 20 percent of men.

So, how do you get in the 20 percent? Improve your physical appearance. You can’t help your height. You’ve got what you’ve got in that department. You can change your physique. Maintaining a healthy body weight while adding muscle to your frame will definitely help.

Clothing is also considered part of your physical appearance. Your clothes don’t have to be expensive. They don’t have to overly trendy, but they should fit and look good on you.

Improve Your Finances

Nothing is life is free. Everything has a cost. There’s an old saying that goes, “you can’t have romance without finance.” It is absolutely true. There’s no way around it. Women cost money, and beauty isn’t cheap.  A lot of brothers aren’t with the type of women that they really want because they don’t have the finances to pursue them.  So how do you get your money up? Well, the first step obviously, is to get a higher paying job.  That simply isn’t an option for every brother.

However, what you can do is make better use of what you do have until you can do better.  Look at what you’re spending your money on.  Generally speaking, men require less than women. Is all the money that you’re spending necessary?  A close examination of your financial situation will often reveal wasteful spending.

Once you figure out what can be cut out, or cut back, you’ll have more money, which will give you access to more and better women. Remember, the quality of women that you’re able to get is largely dependent on how well you look and how much money you make. Increasing either or both of these will go a long way in allowing you to actualize your preferences when it comes to women.