Aww, shheeit! It’s that time of year again. Today’s the infamous Black Friday, the day after Thanks Taking—Oops, I mean, Thanksgiving (that’s another story for another time). North America’s official first day of holiday retail shopping; however, more aptly put, it’s just more mindless consumerism.

I ought to know. I’m an American.

See, after witnessing the demise of this so-called “holiday spirit” tradition season after season, that now in 2018, I prefer to call it what it really is:. . .

Whack Friday

Why? Are you being for real right now?

Okay. I’ll play your silly little game of Whack Friday’s Past.

Now we’ve all seen the endless videos of mobs via social media engaging in fistfights, right? Young and old, race and gender neutral, everyone’s appears to be equally guilty as sin on this day.

C’mon now, please don’t pretend to not know that there’s the endless crowds, some whom have even slept outside alongside the usual homeless citizens, who can’t wait just to be first in line to join in on the mercilessly stepping—no, stomping the living you know what out of their so-called “fellow man,” just to get first dibbs on that 65-inch flat screen. Collectively, though, as a nation of laws, we should be ashamed but many have become desensitized, numb to the human carnage.

Also, as a former mall security officer (yeah, I’ve had a gang of occupations throughout the years), I can testify without a Christian Holy Bible that this was literally hell on Earth. So, whatever happened to “Peace on Earth?”

‘Tis the Season

No, more like ’tis the season to be blatantly ignorant with criminal behavior. Ain’t nothing funny or jolly about it.
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Consequently, I wonder what’s the overall consensus of my analysis, not just another flippant self-serving opinion but a genuine concern for you retail morons—I mean fellow Americans.

Uh-huh, yeah, just as I thought. But hey, let’s not be bitter here, and continue on anyway, shall we?
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Anyway, with each subsequent year, this sanctioned Purge-like tradition just seems to be getting worse. And just in case you’re thinking that Marcus is bullsh*tting, feel free to check out the Black Friday Death Count an up to date tally of senseless retail manslaughter (I call it straight up felony murder).

Oh, yes, it’s a real thing, and it’s an embarrassment. I can’t remember the last time I participated in this.

Hold up. Yes, I can. I’ve been clean and sober from doing the Christmas thing since December 1993. You can image how my then wife and immediate family members reacted.

My new nickname was Uncle Scrooge for at least a good seven years. I laughed then as I do now.

Now I won’t front. It was a challenge at first but it got easier with each year; so that nowadays, I can resist a Whack Friday sale as well as the more recent Cyber Monday online deals.

Hey, at least with Cyber Monday, nobody gets assaulted. Right?

Moreover, as anyone outside of the state of California would even give a cryptophuck, this year should be interesting with all of the ongoing forest fires still burning acres of land and destroying thousands of homes. Being that for the last 3 years, I’ve worked in the Sacramento area, I’d like to think that people would be too dayum tired of walking around wearing N95 filter masks to even consider risking their lives even more on this so-called festive day.

Look, high taxes and the threat of choking on unhealthy air aside, I love living in Cally but have a question for us marginally-mature grown-ups reading this. Will you participate in mindless consumerism, yet, again?
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All you have to lose is an extremely bad habit of buying sh*t that you don’t need, and will more likely get bored with by next Whack Friday. Happy Holidays!

Copyright 2018

Marcus Love is a published author. You can scoop up his most recent Broke and Ashy eNovella series at an Amazon Kindle near you.