Bundle Of Joy, Or Bundle Of Pain?

Children are said to be a gift from God, but in certain circumstances they can be a curse from the Devil. Not the child itself, but the environment created in your life from being unprepared to bring a child into the world. From bitter and annoying baby mamas, to crippling child support, to a complete loss of free time to do the activities that you enjoy many adverse rections can arise when a man chooses to procate in an unstable environment. Yet, why do many individuals in society make it seem as though having a child is mandatory and urgent? Many men will hear their grandmother say that they are waiting on grand babies from them. Mother’s will pressure their son to not only hurry up and find a wife, but also have plenty of babies so that she can enjoy them in her younger years. However, you will very rarely hear the practical cost and burden that come with a child, or children. From conception to 18 years old, children can be extremely expensive, even if you have medical insurance. Doctors visits can add up and prepping for everything needed can take a toll on your wallet. At any time, the child’s mother can become irritated and upset with the situation and decide to leave you, go to the courthouse, and apply to have you put on child support. That is always a burden hanging over your head as  a father in the United States. Not to mention that when you separate there will be rules regarding visitation that are developed by the Judge, and you will have very little say in the matter. So, you could end up paying 40% of your take home income to a child that you only get to see 2 weekends out of the month. Meanwhile, the mother can have the men she desires come into the home where your child is staying and do essentially whatever he chooses.

 

Are You Sure You Want A Child?

This is how many cases of child neglect and child abuse form. Usually, the child is away from the care of their father and some other man is in the home and doing things how he sees fit, while ignoring the needs of the child. Between the mental and financial toll that you will face, it’s very easy to see why children can quickly and easily become a burden in your life. The mother has the ability to manipulate your child’s thoughts about you simply because you are not there and you have no say. And where are all of the people who encouraged and pressured you to have a child? They are playing Monday morning quarterback about your life and telling you how bad of a decision you have made. This is why you must live life on your terms and refuse to give into societal pressure to do as everyone else is doing. As a black man, having an unwanted child that you are not prepared for can be just as debilitating as having a serious criminal record. A criminal record can keep you from attaining some jobs and damper your income making ability. A child can limit your job opportunities based on geographical location and can also drain your income due to child support, or daycare, or a myriad of other problems that you may have. Unlike a serious criminal record, however, a child cannot be expunged. After many years of proving you are fit for society, a criminal record can be sealed or expunged by a judge. It can be as if you never committed a crime, or at least no one who matters to your future well-being will be able to find it. However, a child will always be with you. There is no getting rid of it once it comes. Even when the child turns 18 years old it will still need you in one capacity, or another.

 

Don’t Live For Others

You have to understand that just because society engages in a practice that seems normal it does not mean that you are obligated to do the same thing because you live in that society. People only show you what they want you to see. How many people who have children are struggling day to day, or are on government assistance just to take care of a child that they can’t afford? Even if the mother and father are together it’s still not easy. Now, imagine if there are multiple kids? Do you see how things get exponentially worse? As a childless black man in society we do not have to give into the pressure to have kids just because other people are having them, or our family members suggest that we should. Men have plenty of time to decide if they want kids, as sperm does not start to degrade until the late 40s of a man’s life. And even then it’s a very negligible degradation. Women are the ones who decide to risk everything and have kids before the age of 30 because that is what nature tells them to do. Therefore, as a man you should take your time and pursue the things you desire in life first, and worry about kids at a later date. If you were to ask people would they reverse time and not have their kids, if they knew they wouldn’t be judged I have great assurance that most would say yes. In the right circumstances, children are a blessing to one’s life, but under the wrong conditions, children can be hell on earth.