The dating world can be tough, which is probably exactly why sometimes, when we think we have finally found someone, we can overlook very common but unexpected red flags in our romantic relationships. Truly, there is no rule of thumb for every relationship. What is a red flag for one person might be a green flag for someone else.

While there are always going to be little things that irk you about anyone you date, there are bigger things to look for that are signs of an unhealthy, or even just unbalanced relationship. And the sooner you know how to spot them, the less likely you will get involved in toxic partnerships.

And hopefully, with these in mind, you will find a relationship that makes you truly happy. Because that is the goal. So, without further ado, here are some unexpected red flags to look for in a romantic relationships.

1. They shower you with gifts and gestures.

Everyone loves being showered with attention now and again and romantic gestures can be absolutely lovely. Sometimes, too much attention is a way to control a partner or overcompensation for jealousy. If they are showing up at your job with flowers every day so all of your co-workers know you are taken, you need to do a gut check to see if it is creepy or cute. The attention can be a way to isolate you from your people, which is a major sign of an emotionally abusive relationship.

2. You are scared to talk about things.

Your body will tell you when you are in a bad or tricky situation. If you get nervous or scared to talk to your partner because they might get mad, or upset, or start yet another fight just because you don’t really want to go get sushi for the third time in a month, that is not a good sign. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around a person, it could be a sign that you are dealing with a major personality disorder.

3. They tell you they are not in a good place.

Maya Angelou famously said that when people show you who they are, believe them. If someone says they just got out a relationship and don’t know what they want right now from a partner, they don’t know what they want and there is no way you are going to convince them. Likewise if they tell you that they are a mess right now. A lot of times, the red flags are not actually all that hard to see. We are just good at ignoring them.

4. You are not included in their life.

If you have been dating for a month or two, you should have met at least one friend by now. Or at least tagged in an Instagram photo. If your new partner is all over social media, for example, and is liking, posting, tagging, and commenting all over but you are not included in that? That is a problem. Likewise if they keep their social life with their friends and their time with you completely separate. Check yourself and see if that sits okay with you (sometimes people prefer it that way).

5. Everything is an issue.

When you meet someone, pay attention to how they deal with stress or even minor inconveniences. Coming home to rant about their bad day at work is one thing, but taking it out on you, yelling, or slamming things to express frustration is not. Did they yell at a waiter for bringing the wrong order? Have a temper tantrum about the dry cleaner not being able to deliver on a Sunday? Be conscious about how much drama you can handle and how dangerous it can get.

6. Everything is someone’s else’s fault.

If you find out that your partner is somehow never to blame, get as far away as you can. If their running late excuse is never because they left the house 10 minutes after they should have or the grocery store is “stupid” for not having their favorite granola in stock, that stuff could eventually all become your fault one day. Every relationship is different, and so are the red flags. But if something makes you uncomfortable about a person, listen to your gut and never be afraid to make a change, even if it seems scary at first.

7. They laugh at you.

When you talk to your new partner about your goals, or dreams, are they laughing at you? Belittling someone is mean and could turn into a more emotionally dangerous place for you to be in. Light teasing and chiding in good fun is one thing (if you like banter), but they should support the things that make you you, like your dream to climb to the top of the ladder at work, or even just your desire try out a new hot yoga class.