BRENDA GOT A BIG OLE BUTT: THE CLAPBACK

“The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.”-George Bernard Shaw

After my reply to an article entitled “Is there such a thing as a non-select guy tax, blogger and You Tube personality Mumia Obsidian Ali and I clashed on Oshay Duke Jackson’s channel; on a panel named for the title of the article. Admittedly, I was a bit passionate and aggressive. But when one considers Ali’s penchant for theatricality and digital hysterics, my remarks, while not controlled can certainly be understood given his track record of less than civil discourses with other Black You Tubers.

In an attempt to ascertain some dark conspiracy (dang dang dang) of lust for You Tuber Nicole Michelle, he speculates that my motivations are personal on her behalf. The truth is that I was far more appalled at his treatment of his co-host Renaissance Woman than anything else. But rather than explain here, I invite you to listen to the podcasts and judge for yourself.

My rebuttals were based on the fact that he took aim at my idea of the non-select guy tax when he heard it on Oshay Duke Jackson’s Channel earlier in the year. He proceeded to argue that it was “bunk.” So I simply defended my point. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing to see here. So here we go!

He initially argues that I capitulated on my point of the non-select guy tax.
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The truth is that no such thing happened. But coming from a writer known for confirmation bias and conclusory selective arguments, this comes as no great surprise. So I will re-iterate my point for the hearing or intellectually impaired. The non-select guy tax is only enforceable where an attractive women considers you physically unattractive, and you seek to sleep with her. If this is the case, then you will have to compensate for your level of un-attractiveness in the following manner: power, status, an entertaining personality, or money.

But let’s really be honest here. What kind of woman are we talking about? It’s not her. (look down)

It’s her!

Why? Because if you look like Gabourey Sidibe’ before or after weight loss surgery, all of your words will fall on the ears of deaf mutes.

But even more simply, for all of the talk about her manly disposition, her multiple children by multiple baby daddies, her debts, slick ass attitude, mental issues, and high body counts, she can still say NOOOOOO! Her no(s) shatters egos and injures pride. He rejection elicits the deepest recesses of rage and revenge in her would be non-select seducers. After all, what does it really mean when YOU can’t get laid from a “hoe?” This is her power to enforce compulsory taxes. Even in a world where she is more often than not broke, abused and discarded. This power, temporary as it may be, is reflected in the countless ass odes written to her from men who desire to “bend her over their couches.” They include but are not limited to: Doin da butt (EU), Rump Shaker, Baby Got Back, The Thong Song, Shake that Ass for me, Shake your ass, and of course, Big Ole Butt.

Where can these asses be found?
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Glad you asked. They are generally in the hood. This is the point that my opponent tried to dispute when I reminded him of the welcomed gratuitous displays of ass on his own thumbnails. He exploded when I pointed out that the girls on the thumbnails of his podcasts were hood chicks. His response was a childishly muddleheaded counter argument that said; since I didn’t know the girls personally, I could not conclude that they were hood chicks. It was at this point that I heard the snapping of the vertebrae of his arguments. It is axiomatic that while every girl with an ass is not in the hood, you will probably NOT find them in large supply in the burbs.

So now the question is what do you mean by hood Tony? Here is the official definition. Hood is urban slang for a neighborhood. But there is also the presumption of class differences for this definition. Initially, it will be argued that just because Brenda’s ass is big does not mean that she is from the hood. This is akin to saying that just because she was a “hoe” don’t mean she can’t be a minister. She can. But if we use a scintilla of common sense, we know that this is possible but not probable (likely to happen).

So where do they come from? I wish I had a chart that shows her income group. Oh shit! It’s magic! There is one with bright colors for all to read. According to Black Demographics.com, a site that my opponent is incessantly quoting from, 46% of Black America is working class to poor. (see graph below)

So here comes the tough part. Is it logical to speculate that in an economy where black women have a net worth of $5.00, that an ass like that will be found in the burbs? If the majority of black america is working class-poor, where will you most likely find Big Booty Brenda? C’mon! You can do it. I have faith in you. That’s right! The hood! It is a common misconception, one of that was promoted by yours truly in jest, that hood chick are limited to the outright ratchet chicks we see in everyday Black America.

This is not true. If the graph above is any indication, they will be found working in the grocery stores, the post office, the Department of Motor Vehicles, Government jobs, and Yes!, on the block. She is everywhere. And this is why what she says and who she screws matters. It matters because Phat Asses Matter. This is why when she designates niggas as non-select they have an epileptic melt down. This is why she can and does impose a Non-Select Guy Tax. And this is why she has a virtual cartel on ass.

This sobering reality makes my opponent’s arguments as trivial as a 2 week old facial. The fact that I personally believe that the select/non-select distinction is illusory and moronic, does not mean that it doesn’t exist. I don’t believe in Jehovah Witnesses either, but I know better than to answer my door when they come calling. So any admissions on my part, such as they were, are not a resignation of the central point. THE NON-SELECT GUY TAX IS REAL!!!!! AND SO IS BIG BOOTY BRENDA’S CARTEL. It is no myth. In fact, it is so real that men spend hundreds of dollars to go to another hood in another country to find another ass that looks just like hers. Her cartel is as global as the drug game

The only ones who believe that it is a myth, are those who are doomed to see it only in glimpses while asserting a constitutional right to holla to get access to the inside. ANYWAY! YO L! TAKE US HOME!