Most men and women may not be aware of this, but variations of kinky sex, BDSM (i.e., Erotic Domination and Erotic Obedience & Submission), and Polyamory have actually been around longer than normal, conventional, strictly monogamous sex has.  For example, if you read the book, Marriage, A History: How Love Conquered Marriage by Author Stephanie Coontz, Coontz points out that strictly monogamous relationships and marriages have only existed for approximately 4,500 – 5,000 years.  On the other hand, promiscuity, polyamory, and polygamy (which includes both polyandry [when a woman has two or more husbands] and polygyny [when a man has two or more wives]) has been around since the beginning of mankind.

I personally began exhibiting BDSM type erotic dominance with women before I had ever even heard of the acronym that stands for Bondage / Discipline & Domination / Sadism & Submission / Masochism.  To refresh your memory of a few of the related terminology (also mentioned in my previous article on the BDSM Lifestyle & Polyamory Lifestyle), here is a list:

Bottom / Submissive:  A man or a woman who is always the obedient and erotically submissive partner in just about every sexual relationship they have with a member of the opposite sex and/or a member of their same gender

Bull:  A polyamorous male dominant who is invited to erotically dominate and sexually satisfy another man’s long-term girlfriend, fiancée, or wife

Collared Submissive:  When a male or female submissive agrees to only submit to one Male Dominant or Female Dominant, and no one else; Also referred to as a ‘BDSM Slave’

Cuckold:  A polyamorous subservient man, who is usually also masochistic, who acts as an obedient and submissive voyeur while his long-term girlfriend, fiancée, or wife is being sexually satisfied by a male dominant who is a ‘Bull’; Usually this man is wealthy and extremely financially generous with his spouse or female companion

Dominatrix or Domme:  A woman who is a BDSM Female Dominant who has male and/or female clients who pay her money to erotically dominate them and discipline & punish them on a regular, semi-regular, or occasional basis

Flexible or Versatile:  A monogamous or polyamorous man or woman who loves to exhibit both erotically dominant behavior and obedient & erotically submissive behavior with the same sexual lover, companion, or spouse

Hotwife:  A polyamorous woman (married or unmarried) who is a ‘Switch’ with her Bull(s) and her Cuckold (she is totally obedient & submissive to her Bulls, but she is totally dominant and even sadistic with her Cuckold)

Masochist:  A BDSM male submissive or female submissive who loves to be disciplined and punished with physical pain and/or torture, and who loves to be verbally abused and humiliated by their Dominant partner both privately and publicly; The counterpart to a masochist is a ‘sadist’

Master:  When a Male Dominant has ‘collared’ one or more of his BDSM submissives, representing that his submissives can only be obedient and submissive to him, and no other Male (or Female) Dominants

Mistress:  When a Female Dominant has ‘collared’ one or more of her BDSM submissives, representing that her submissives can only be obedient and submissive to her, and no other Female (or Male) Dominants

Professional Dominant Sir or Dominant Daddy:  A BDSM Male Dominant who has female (and/or male) clients who pay him money to erotically dominate them and discipline & punish them on a regular, semi-regular, or occasional basis

Sadist:  A BDSM Male Dominant or Female Dominant who loves to punish their submissives by inflicting them with physical pain or torture, and who loves to verbally abuse and humiliate their submissives both privately and in public in front of others; The counterpart to a sadist is a ‘masochist’

Switch:  When a polyamorous man or woman maintains at least two companions, and he or she is completely dominant with at least one companion … but is always obedient and erotically submissive with at least one additional companion

Top / Dominant:  A man or woman who is the erotically dominant partner in just about every sexual relationship they have with a member of the opposite sex and/or a member of their same gender

For the remainder of this article, I am going to focus on a recent ‘Q & A’ conversation I had with a woman via Skype who is a practicing Dominatrix.  She and I became acquainted on a website called FETlife (‘FET’ is short for kinky fetish; FETlife is considered the most popular BDSM & Polyamory website in the world).  She respectfully asked that for now, I keep her real identity ‘anonymous,’ so I will refer to her as ‘Domme Keylandra’ (not her real first name or business pseudonym).

Alan Roger Currie:  How long have you been a Professional Dominatrix?

Domme Keylandra:  For approximately eight years.  I started out doing it part-time just on weekends, but then built my client list up to the point where I was able to earn a living doing this full-time.

Alan Roger Currie:  Do you exclusively dominate men? Or do you dominate both men and women?

Domme Keylandra:  I currently have four women as regular clients.  All of the rest are men.

Alan Roger Currie:  I don’t know if you knew this, but in addition to being a Men’s Dating Coach, I am a Professional Dominant Sir.

Domme Keylandra:  (laughs)  I read that.  I used Google to do some research on you.

Alan Roger Currie:  The reason I bring that up is because I understand the appeal of dominating women … it’s fun and it’s sexy … but what do you get out of dominating men? More specifically, weak men with no backbone?

Domme Keylandra:  You dominate weak women with no backbone.  So, what’s the difference?

Alan Roger Currie:  Men are just naturally turned on by women who are ultra-feminine, obedient, and submissive.  The vast majority of women are not turned on by weak, submissive men.

Domme Keylandra:  Depends on how you define ‘turned on.’  I love dominating men. I love having them worship me as the Goddess that I am.  I believe more men need to be dominated and trained to please, serve, and worship women.  Training men pleases me and turns me on.  Not in a, “I now want to have sex with them” sort of way, but it is a mental and emotional turn-on.

Alan Roger Currie:   Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  You mean a purely egotistical and sadistic turn-on.

Domme Keylandra:  (laughs) I am dead serious.  Men are incredibly weak.  They act all strong and manly to impress other men, but when men are alone with women … with no other man around … they are weak.  Men worship pussy, which makes them weak.

Alan Roger Currie:  You mean, SOME men worship pussy.  I love pussy, but I do not worship pussy.

Domme Keylandra:  I bet you have in the past.  I would bet there has been at least one ex-girlfriend or former lover in your life that you worshipped her pussy.  You cried at the thought of losing the opportunity to call that pussy yours, and yours only.  Am I right?

Alan Roger Currie:  Hmmmm.  Maybe one.  Not much more than that though.

Domme Keylandra:  I knew it! (laughs)  I knew there was at least one woman in your past life that had that effect on you.  Did you serve her well?  I bet you did.  I hope you did.

Alan Roger Currie:  Not hardly. So … your pussy does not get wet in the company of weak, submissive men, right?

Domme Keylandra:  Oh Heaven’s no (makes a facial expression like she is literally cringing at the thought).  I already explained in what way I get turned on.  You see, most men are very phony.  So, so phony.  They play like they are in control of their lives, but really, they just want their ‘mommy.’  For most men, their mother was their first experience with a Domme.  A very loving and nurturing Domme, but a Domme nonetheless.  Sons obey their mothers much more frequently than we (women) obey our fathers.  Daughters rebel against their fathers all the time.  Many daughters have their fathers wrapped around their finger.  I have never met a man who had his mother or step-mother wrapped around his finger.  Men are weak.  Men love having at least one woman in their life telling them what to do and punishing them for their bad behavior.  Just like their mommy did.  It makes them feel that everything is okay and right in the world (laughs).

Alan Roger Currie:  Wow.

Domme Keylandra:  Wow what?

Alan Roger Currie:  It just blows my mind that you believe all men, or at least the vast majority of them, are ‘weak.’  I mean, there are men who are Alpha males with a strong sense of backbone.  You know that, right?

Domme Keylandra:  (laughs)  If you say so.

Alan Roger Currie:  Okay.  Explain why you disagree.

Domme Keylandra:  Men love feminine energy.  They crave it so bad, that they will pay for it.  A man’s whole world revolves around feminine energy.  They were born out of a woman’s womb.  Even Gay men I have met love feminine energy.  Some are so fascinated by our energy, that they want to go through a sex change and become us!!  When it comes to sex-change surgeries, there are far, far more men who seek to become women than vice versa.  A woman seeking out surgery to become a man is very, very rare.  Women do not crave masculine energy in the same way that men crave feminine energy.  A few women?  Maybe.  It’s not the same though.

Alan Roger Currie:  Hmmmm.  Well, I just wrote an article last week where I asserted that most men can do without women’s non-physical, non-sexual (purely platonic) companionship indefinitely.  I don’t meet too many heterosexual men who ‘crave’ women’s non-sexual companionship.

Domme Keylandra:  I would debate you on that.

Alan Roger Currie:  You could try, but you would lose.

Domme Keylandra:  I doubt it.  Our (women) world does not center around men in the same way a man’s world is all about securing feminine energy.  Both sexual and non-sexual feminine energy.  Men cannot live without feminine energy in some form.  I am including Gay men in this too.  Gay men love to hang out with women.  Much more than they love to hang out with heterosexual men.

Alan Roger Currie:  So, in other words, you believe men are easier to dominate than women.  Is that what you are saying?

Domme Keylandra:  No doubt.  Only a woman with incredibly low self-esteem would allow herself to be regularly dominated by a man.  She would have to feel totally unattractive and worthless to reach that point.  Men, on the other hand, can have high self-esteem and feel good about themselves and their life … and still want to be dominated by women.  Maybe not dominated by every woman involved in their life, but there will always be at least one woman that they will want to be dominated and punished by.  I refer to those women as a man’s “second mommy.”  That is what I am to my male clients, and this is why I am highly paid and highly sought after.

Alan Roger Currie:  (sarcastic) I love your sense of ‘modesty.’

Domme Keylandra:  Just speaking the God honest truth (laughs).

Alan Roger Currie:  Well, I will have you know that I am highly sought after too by women.  For obedience and erotic submission training, and sometimes, just hot, kinky phone sex.

Domme Keylandra:  I will show you my earnings if you show me yours? (laughs)  I guarantee you my list of male clients is longer than your list of female clients.  I do however believe there are probably women who desire phone sex from you.  I heard an interview you did with some woman.  I think her name was Brandi something.  It was hot.  It was sexy.

Alan Roger Currie:  I bet your pussy was wet listening to that.

Domme Keylandra:  (laughs)  I bet I could dominate the women who you have as clients better than you could.  You might not realize this, but even women love to be dominated by other women more than they love to be dominated by men.  It goes back to the mommy thing.  Daughters are usually more obedient to their mothers than they are to their fathers.  Same with men.  A man will shoot his own father with a gun to protect his mother from abuse, assuming that his father was regularly abusing his mother.  Not too many men would shoot their mother to protect their father.  Men are obedient to feminine energy.

Alan Roger Currie:  I am going to have to print a lot of your comments in my next article.  You are going to piss a lot of men off.  Particularly, bruthas (Black men).

Domme Keylandra:  Let them be pissed.  I am getting excited just thinking about them being pissed off! (laughs)

Alan Roger Currie:  Yeah … I bet you are.  You’re a bitch, and you love being a bitch.  Don’t you?

Domme Keylandra:  Correction Mr. Currie!  I am a dominant bitch.  A dominant bitch who men pay to dominate their weak minds.  Pussy rules the world.  We have it, and you men want it and need it.  The craving for pussy and feminine energy makes you men weak.  You cannot live without it.  Pussy and feminine energy is needed by a man right next to oxygen and food & water.  They crave it.  They need it.

Alan Roger Currie:  By your very comments, you are now going to motivate dozens of men to become a brand new misogynist.

Domme Keylandra:  I seriously doubt it.  Only men who are regularly spurned by women and denied their feminine energy for too long become misogynists.  If I am wrong, send them to me!  I will train them and punish them for their negative thoughts toward us Goddesses.  I will train them how to properly worship us.

Alan Roger Currie:  Yeah … riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  Take care.  I appreciate your candid thoughts and opinions, even though I disagreed with most of them.

Domme Keylandra:   Well, if you’re going to use this Skype conversation as part of some chauvinistic article you are writing for some sexist website for men, please don’t put words in my mouth or change or edit my words.  Matter of fact, please do not use my real name or business name.  Please give me an anonymous nickname in your article.

Alan Roger Currie:  I accomplished something during this exchange.

Domme Keylandra:  What is that?

Alan Roger Currie:  Just got you to say ‘please’ three times.  You should have said, ‘Please SIR’ … but I let you slide.

Domme Keylandra:  (laughs)  Ah … got it.  You are funny.  Be well Mr. Currie.  I cannot wait to read your article and see how accurately you stayed true to what I actually said.  Or not (laughs).

FINAL THOUGHTS ON MY EXCHANGE WITH THIS FINANCIALLY SUCCESSFUL DOMME

Even though we shared some lighthearted moments during our conversation, it made me cringe to know that this woman views the vast majority of men as ‘weak’ who desire to have at least one woman in their life who acts as a second ‘mommy’ for them.

Do you agree with some of her thoughts, opinions, and assertions?  Or do you think this Dominatrix is delusional with her broad generalizations of men’s behavior and our alleged ‘craving’ for women’s sexual companionship and feminine energy?

Let me know in the comments section.

Senior writer Alan Roger Currie was recently named the 2017 Charles Tyler Freelance Writer & Columnist of the Year for the NegroManosphere.com, and he was also named the NegroManosphere.com’s 2017 Best Dating Coach for Men on YouTube and 2017 Black Male YouTube Personality of the Year. More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally. Currie was the first African-American to be a featured speaker at The 21 Convention and will be a featured speaker again this year in October in Orlando, Florida. If you want to become a Patreon.com subscriber of Dating Coach Alan Roger Currie, CLICK HERE