Every Black woman has had a “Luke Skywalker moment”. Remember that, my friends!

“Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is.”

The ink was barely dry on last week’s column, “When She Flakes On You…” (Negromanosphere.com, Jun 22, 2020) that our good friend Mr. Stephan Labossiere gives us yet another gem to deconstruct for the benefit of my readers. In one of his most recent video presentations, “How He Treats You Is How He Feels About You…” (YouTube, Jun 22, 2020), Steph argues how “a man will only put in work for a woman he really wants” – and, as I said last week, Labossiere does make a number of fair points. The problem with him – and far too many “Black Love Experts” today, is what they DON’T say, that is the very real problem.

Today, I want to address how and why so many Black women REALLY have a problem out on the 21st century Black America – and the answer is sitting right in front of all of us.

Let’s roll…

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Following up on the above point, and despite their well-earned reputation for being loud, boisterous and crudely blunt, Black women can actually be quite cryptic when they want to be; and this is especially true when they want to conceal or otherwise leave out important details that would change the entire nature of a story. This behavior on the part of many Black women is known as a “Lie of Omission” and is described as follows:

“Lying by omission, also known as a continuing misrepresentation or quote mining, occurs when an important fact is left out in order to foster a misconception. Lying by omission includes the failure to correct pre-existing misconceptions. For example, when the seller of a car declares it has been serviced regularly, but does not mention that a fault was reported during the last service, the seller lies by omission. It may be compared to dissimulation. An omission is when a person tells most of the truth, but leaves out a few key facts that therefore, completely obscures the truth.” (Wikipedia)

Why am I suggesting that the Black women Stephan Labossiere is addressing in this particular video are lying by omission – and how is he being a party to that lie by omission? For that, we have to get in our Time Machine, and check in on long time Black dating coach for Black men Mr. Rom Wills.

Some years back I recall seeing a video that Wills had done, where he argued that contrary to the popular opinion that held that Black women were going lacking for mates, the truth was, that most of them had easily several Black male suitors who were willing to marry them or at the very least, offering long term relationship. The problem, Wills further argued, was that in the minds of most Black women, their suitors weren’t “select” – that is to say, they didn’t fit the right look, had no or enough charisma, and so on. As far as many Black women are concerned, these Black men, who do indeed want to be in their lives as serious mates and put forth the kind of “mating effort” as it’s known to evolutionary psychologists that Labossiere talks about in the video above, don’t really count, because they are not the kinds of Black men these Black women want. A sort of “out of sight, out of mind” if you will.

Now of course I am NOT suggesting that any Black woman simply take the first or otherwise any ole Black man who steps to; certainly not. But what I AM saying, is that having the knowledge that the majority of Black women out there have indeed had serious Black male suitors in their lives – more than likely more than one at that – DOES change things from the multi-decades narrative that there’s some kind of Sci-Fi movie level dearth of eligible Black men, now doesn’t it?

Why is this little fact of Black female psychology important to today’s column? Read on…

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When I met Steph last fall at his stand alone event and we wound up chatting for the better part of a half an hour while he was taking an intermission, I noted that one of his books, “God Where Is My Boaz?”, while heartfelt, was a bit inaccurate. For those who may not be Biblical readers nor understand how this ties into Black female mating psychology, Boaz and Ruth are Biblical figures and one of the great couples and love stories in the Bible, and to which many single, lovelorn Black women use as inspiration that one day, their “prince will come”. You can often find Black women at gatherings – especially Black Church-related ones – online and in real time, saying words to the effect that they’re “waiting on their Boaz” and so forth.

I told Labossiere that this “Ruth and Boaz” notion was all wrongheaded and offered another analogy instead: Star Wars, in particular, “The Empire Strikes Back”. Steph looked at me blankly and told me that he’d never watched any of the movies – which I find to be incredibly hard to believe – but OK, whatever. Maybe if he reads this column he’ll be able to go back and watch the films to get the full gist.

OK, so anyway, my argument is that every Black woman has had a Luke Skywalker moment, because like Luke, Black women don’t know when they’ve got goodness right in front of them. You remember when Luke is sent by Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Force ghost on Hoth, to go to Dagobah to learn from Yoda? Luke follows the vision and crash lands on a desolate, swamp planet, where he’s soon confronted and pestered by a little green old guy. After awhile, Luke gets upset, at which point Yoda, who now reveals himself, says “I can’t teach the boy, he has no patience”. It was from that start forward that Luke realizes who Yoda was and their relationship, master to student, begins.

Many Black women have a preconceived notion in their heads about what an “ideal” Black man is and are often fooled by what they see – which leads them down the path to the dark side, so to speak. We know what we’re talking about here – being burned, often badly, by Select Fuckboys. Luke also had a preconceived notion of what a Jedi Master and “great warrior” looked like and when he actually met him, he was in disbelief. Hence one of the lessons Luke had to learn – which was NOT to trust his eyes because, as Obi-Wan Kenobi told him on the Millennium Falcon in “A New Hope”, “your eyes can fool you, don’t trust them”. Black women are far too often deceived by what they see, because they see what they want to see and not what is actually there – what Star Wars geeks out there would recognize as the final test of the Jedi Trials, that of Insight. Many Black women think that because a Black man is conspicuously handsome, smooth and charismatic, that he is a “good man” – all too often to find out that this is not the case.

At another point in the “Empire” movie, Yoda has another test for Luke – known as “the cave”. Here, Luke confronts his own inner demons in the form of Darth Vader, whom he sees in the cave; he draws his lightsaber and after a brief duel with the Dark Lord of the Sith, he decapitates him. Vader’s helmet rolls past Luke, and explodes – revealing Luke’s face inside. Although Luke didn’t know it at the time, Yoda was giving yet another of the Jedi Trials – the Trial of the Spirit, where once again Luke has to “look” beyond what is in front of him, into himself. Similarly, Black women often don’t see beyond the current moment and don’t consider that many of their problems in fact, come from within.

Finally, there’s Yoda himself – dimunitive, not at all imposing and talks funny. Doesn’t this sound like the many excuses and reasons so many Black women use to rationalize their removing potential suitors from their “lists” – “he got big ears; he too short; he got a funny sounding name”; and so on? And yet Yoda just wasn’t A Jedi master – he was THE Jedi master – in a very real sense, the “face” of the Jedi Order, who had taught Jedis across the galaxy for nearly a thousand years! There are many wonderful Black men in Black women’s very midst that they completely overlook, just like Luke overlooked Yoda.

SHAMELESS PLUG AD BREAK: Like what you’re reading now? Wait till you see my very first book, “The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Century Black American Gentleman”! Here’s YOUR chance to help me bring the dream to life, by supporting “The Book of Obsidian Fundraising Campaign”! All the details are over at GoGetFunding.com. Now, back to the article!

But all is not lost, brothers – for the Black Manosphere has forever changed things. Once completely dominated by Black women and the Black Vaginavision Media, the multi-decades “nonversation” obtaining on “Black Love” matters has been changed thanks to the efforts of yours truly and my peers in the Black Manosphere. More and more Black women are coming, willing to listen to our side of the story – and many of them for the first time. There’s no magic bullet here and there are many more miles to go before it’s all said and done; but the point is made.

Continuing the Star Wars analogy, I’ve been around for a long time doing this work in the Black Manosphere and I’ve seen how things have slowly but surely changed in our favor – the Non-Select Guy. I remember a time when Black women were attempting to have us shutdown and ran off social media; the effort failed, but not for their trying! And I have seen the progression; first the ladies couldn’t beat us; now, they want to join us! And that’s a good thing – because “I sense a disturbance in the Force” – how the Black Love Machine, as big as it is, is in fact faltering a bit. They are faltering because they really don’t have answers to really help so many Black women find what they claim to want – deep relationships and lasting love. The Black Love Machine also doesn’t have the guys – that’s where we shine, because we do!

So, it makes sense that we would see more and more Black women showing up over here – and I strongly suspect that we’ll be seeing more to come in the near future!

Victory is at hand, brothers! Watch the Black Manosphere work!

Now adjourn your asses…


Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host, newly minted dating coach and soon to be author. You can catch his daily live shows on the global livestreaming radio website Mixlr, as well as the all-new members-only Obsidian Radio Zoomcast, and his podcasts on YouTube and Black Avenger TV, as well as his weekly dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. He’s also a semi-professional pest.